MADISON ON THE AIR: “IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE” THE LUX RADIO THEATRE

ADAPTED BY CHRISI TALYN SAJE: SEPT 2024

SCENE ONE

NARRATOR
“Madison on the Air” presents the beloved holiday classic, Frank Capra’s “It’s a Wonderful Life”! Welcome everyone. This is the story of George Bailey, citizen of Bedford Falls, New York. Oddly enough, this story does not begin in Bedford Falls. In fact, it doesn’t begin anywhere in the world. It begins–in Heaven. Where Joseph, the Superintendent of Angels, has just summoned an apprentice angel named… Madison Standish

MADISON
Hey, Joe, s’up.

JOSEPH
Again… my name is “Joseph.”

MADISON
Sorry. I didn’t realize Heaven was so formal. Like if there was any place you could just walk around in your pajamas and socks all day, it should be Heaven.

JOSEPH
Well, that explains your attire.

MADISON
Did you want something? Because I was hanging out with the celebrities who died but weren’t popular enough to get memes made for them.

JOSEPH
That is going to have to wait. There’s a very discouraged man on Earth, Madison.

MADISON
Could you narrow it down a bit?

JOSEPH
George Bailey. At exactly ten forty-five p.m., Earth Time–

MADISON
What is “Earth Time”? There are literally twenty-four time zones on Earth.

JOSEPH
It’s no wonder you’ve never gotten your wings.

MADISON
Hang on a sec, Morgan Spurlock is trying to reach me. Yello?… I know, Morgan, I know. But “Super Size Me” was twenty years ago. You didn’t expect anyone to remember you when you died, did you?

JOSEPH
Madison!

MADISON
Sorry, gotta go. Save some fries for me. Okay, what?

JOSEPH
He’ll be thinking seriously of ending his life.

MADISON
Who?

JOSEPH
George Bailey!

MADISON
So, what? We steppin’ in on this one?

JOSEPH
Yes. I want you to stop him.

MADISON
Ooo. He a big deal or somethin’?

JOSEPH
No. Just a man who is struggling.

MADISON
You guys get involved in all potential suicides?

JOSEPH
Well–

MADISON
Did you try and stop Robin Williams? Because, Earthly treasure right there.

JOSEPH
That wasn’t my department. I only handle Upstate New York. May I please continue?

MADISON
You’re awfully cranky for an Angel.

JOSEPH
Just sit down so I can give you Bailey’s case history. And if you do well on this, you’ll move up from Angel Second Class and you may even earn your wings.

MADISON
I’m not really about status, but wings would kick ass. Little embarrassing hanging out with angels and they’re like “Hey, let’s fly over to the club.” And I’m all, “I gotta walk.”

JOSEPH
Now, listen. When George Bailey was a boy, two events occurred that you should keep in mind. One was when his younger brother, Harry, fell through the ice and almost drowned. George saved him.

MADISON
I fell through a hot tub cover and almost drowned!

JOSEPH
You did?

MADISON
Well, not almost drowned, but I did almost spill my margarita.

JOSEPH
Ever since then, George has had a bad ear. All that icy water… you understand.

MADISON
I broke my pinky toe. Couldn’t wear sandals for month.

JOSEPH
The other event came a few months later. George used to work after school in Mr. Gower’s drugstore. One day, Mr. Gower’s only son died of influenza.

MADISON
But the dude owned a drugstore. He didn’t give his kid the flu vaccine?

JOSEPH
This story starts in the 1920s, could you just let me get through it without interrupting?

MADISON
Cranky.

JOSEPH
The loss of his son was a terrible blow, and poor Mr. Gower tried to lose his grief in whiskey.

MADISON
Sounds reasonable.

JOSEPH
But when intoxicated, humans can make dire mistakes.

MADISON
Truth. There was this one time–

JOSEPH
We’re not talking about you, Madison, we’re jumping to a flashback scene.

MADISON
It’s an interesting story, though! Somehow, I can’t remember how, I was driving a city bus–

GOWER
Where you been, George? Mrs. Blaine’s called twice! What happened to her prescription? Y’lost it didn’t ya?

GEORGE
No, Mr. Gower, here it is!

GOWER
Why you good-fer-nuthin’! Don’t you know the Blaine girl’s very sick? I’ll teach ya t’loaf, y’lazy brat!

GEORGE
Mr. Gower! My ear! You’re hurting my sore ear! Mr. Gower, you don’t know what you’re doing! You put something wrong in those capsules! I know you feel bad, but look Mr. Gower! This bottle you used to make up the capsules! It’s poison, I tell ya! Poison!

GOWER
Poison? Poison! Oh, George–

GEORGE
Don’t hurt my sore ear again, Mr. Gower!

GOWER
I’m sorry! Oh, thank you, George! Thank you!

SCENE TWO

JOSEPH
Well, Madison, that was George Bailey as a boy.

MADISON
What happened to Mr. Gower? Was he arrested?

JOSEPH
No. Because of George, Mr. Gower didn’t give the little girl poison.

MADISON
No, I mean for Gower having child labor and beating him. The kid’s ear was bleeding!

JOSEPH
It was a different time. Now, when George grew up, he wanted to go to college, but there just wasn’t the money. So he worked for four years in the Building and Loan Association–

MADISON
In what capacity?

JOSEPH
What do you mean?

MADISON
He didn’t have a college degree but they were willing to hire him at a loan company? What did he do, answer phones? Lunch runs?

JOSEPH
Well, no. He assisted with the bookkeeping and accounts.

MADISON
With no training whatsoever?

JOSEPH
Oh, I forgot to tell you, George’s father had started this building and loan business. He and George’s Uncle Billy.

MADISON
Ah. Nepo-baby.

JOSEPH
In any case, George worked for his father and saved enough to travel through Europe, and then go to university.

MADISON
Daymn! How much they payin’ him at that loan place?

JOSEPH
Look, that’s not the point. Before he left, he attended his younger brother, Harry’s, school dance.

MADISON
He’s, what, twenty-two going to a high school dance?

JOSEPH
Yes.

MADISON
And you’re okay with that?

JOSEPH
Yes.

MADISON
You’ve obviously never been a teenage girl hit on by a guy in his twenties.

JOSEPH
This dance was a very important event in George’s life.

MADISON
Why, what happened?

JOSEPH
It’s where he… fell in love with Mary Hatch.

MADISON
Say again? Couldn’t hear you.

JOSEPH
…Fell in love with Mary Hatch.

MADISON
I’m sorry, are you saying this is where the twenty-two year old man fell in love with a teenage girl?

JOSEPH
It was a different time! He was walking home with her after the dance–

MADISON
Why is he in an oversized football uniform and she’s in… what is that, a robe? What kind of dance was this?

JOSEPH
Oh, that. There was a whole thing with a pool under the dance floor, it’s really a sight gag so I was going to skip over it.

MADISON
Pool under the… okay.

JOSEPH
They were walking down Sycamore street…

GEORGE/MARY
“Buffalo Gals can’t you come out tonight? Can’t you come out tonight? Can’t you come out tonight? Buffalo Gals can’t you come out tonight… and dance by the light of the moon?”

GEORGE
Hot Dog! You know something, Mary? If it wasn’t me talking, I’d say you were the prettiest girl in town.

MARY
Well, why don’t you say it?

GEORGE
I don’t know. Maybe I will. How old are you, anyway?

MARY
Eighteen.

GEORGE
Eighteen?

MARY
Too young or too old?

GEORGE
Oh no… just right.

MADISON
Gross!

JOSEPH
They’re only four years apart!

GEORGE
Hey, look where we are!

MARY
The old Granville house.

GEORGE
Yeah, I gotta throw a rock!

MARY
Oh, no, don’t. I love that old house.

GEORGE
Don’t you know about deserted houses? You make a wish and then throw a rock!

MARY
But it’s such a lovely old place. I wish I lived there.

GEORGE
In there? I wouldn’t live in it as a ghost! Now watch this. Here we go! Pretty good shot, huh? Broke a window!

MARY
What’d you wish for, George?

GEORGE
Not just one wish. A whole hatful! Mary, I’m shaking the dust of this crummy little town and I’m gonna see the world! Italy, Greece, the Parthenon, the Coliseum. And then I’m coming back here and go to college and see what they know… and then I’m going to build things. I’m gonna build airfields and skyscrapers a hundred stories high and bridges a mile long, and then I’m gonna– Hey, hey, Mary? What is it you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I’ll lasso it for ya!

MADISON
Sounds like somebody spiked the punch at the dance.

MARY
The moon? I’ll take it.

OLD MAN
Why don’t you kiss her instead of talkin’ her to death?!?

GEORGE
How’s that?

OLD MAN
Awww, youth is wasted on the wrong people!

MADISON
What’re ya doing, watching kids make out, you dirty old man!

JOSEPH
They can’t hear you.

UNCLE BILLY
George! George!

GEORGE
Uncle Billy? What is it?

UNCLE BILLY
Get in the car, quick! Your father’s had a stroke!

SCENE THREE

JOSEPH
Well, George’s father died that night.

MADISON
Dude. Most epic cock block ever.

JOSEPH
So, of course, George couldn’t go to Europe. But that fall, just as he was ready to leave for college, the directors of the Building and Loan had a meeting. They were going to appoint a successor to George’s father, but instead, Mr. Potter proposed to dissolve the Bailey Building and Loan.

MADISON
Who’s Mr. Potter?

JOSEPH
Oh, yes, I haven’t told you about him yet.

POTTER
Peter Bailey was not a businessman. Ideals without common sense can ruin a town. What do we get? A discontented, lazy rabble instead of a thrifty working class!

MADISON
Ah, bad guy. Got it.

GEORGE
Now, wait a minute there. Why my father ever started this cheap, penny-ante Building and Loan, I’ll never know. But just remember this, Mr. Potter, that this rabble you’re talking about, they do most of the working and paying and living and dying in this community. Well, is it too much to have them work and pay and live and die in a couple of decent rooms and a bath? Anyway, my father didn’t think so. People were human beings to him. But to you, a warped, frustrated, old man, they’re cattle! Well, in my book, he died a much richer man than you’ll ever be!

POTTER
I’m not interested in your book. I’m talking about the Building and Loan.

GEORGE
You’re talking about something you can’t get your fingers on and it’s galling — that’s what you’re talking about. Well, this town needs this measly one-horse institution, if only to have some place where people can borrow dollars without crawling to you!

MADISON
Go, George! Then what happened?

JOSEPH
The board of directors said they would only vote to keep the Building and Loan open if George agreed to take over for his father.

MADISON
He’s gonna run an entire financial institution without any formal education, only learning the business from his father, who’s well known for being a poor businessman?

JOSEPH
Yes.

MADISON
That’s how you succeed in America. Your parents hand you a business.

JOSEPH
George stayed in Bedford Falls, giving his college money to Harry with the understanding that Harry would take over when he graduated.

MADISON
Finally someone with credentials.

JOSEPH
Except when Harry came home, he wasn’t alone. There was a girl with him. His new wife.

MADISON
Yay for him.

JOSEPHY
And her father offered Harry a very good job at his company.

MADISON
There it is again. The only way to get a leg up.

JOSEPH
This meant George couldn’t go to college and had to stay at the Building and Loan.

MADISON
Did he at least marry that teenage girl?

JOSEPH
Well… why don’t you see for yourself?

MARY
Have you made up your mind?

GEORGE
How’s that?

MARY
I said, have you made up your mind?

GEORGE
About what?

MARY
About coming in. Your mother just phoned. She said you were coming over.

GEORGE
My mother just–? I just happened to be passing by, that’s all.

MARY
Well?

GEORGE
Well, alright, I’ll come in for a minute. I still can’t understand it. I didn’t tell anybody I was coming here.

MARY
Would you rather leave?

GEORGE
No, I don’t want to be rude. I’ll sit down for a while.

MADISON
Prince Charming. I can see why she likes him.

JOSEPH
Oh, he’s in a bad mood. He just found out he can’t go to college.

MADISON
So the beginning of their relationship is him taking out his frustrations on her? That’s some solid bedrock for a marriage.

MARY
It’s nice about your brother and Ruth, isn’t it?

GEORGE
Oh… yeah, yeah. That’s all right.

MARY
Don’t you like her?

GEORGE
Well, of course I like her. She’s a peach.

MRS. HATCH
Mary! Who’s down there with you?

MARY
It’s George Bailey, Mother.

MRS. HATCH
George Bailey?! What does he want?

MARY
I don’t know! What do you want?

GEORGE
Me? Not a thing! I just came in to get warm.

MARY
He’s making violent love to me, Mother!

MADISON
He’s doing what?!

MRS. HATCH
You just tell him to go right back home!

MADISON
And that’s all her mom has to say? “Tell him to go home?”

JOSEPH
It was a–

MADISON
–A different time. Got it.

JOSEPH
Okay, well, you’re not going to like the rest of this scene.

MADISON
Why? What happens?

JOSEPH
Mary’s boyfriend, Sam Wainwright, calls–

MADISON
Wait, she’s got a boyfriend?!

JOSEPH
Technically yes, but she only really has eyes for George.

GEORGE
I don’t know why I came here in the first place!

MARY
Oh, why don’t you go home?!

GEORGE
I will, good night!!

MRS. HATCH
Mary! Answer the phone! It’s Sam!

MARY
Hello?

GEORGE
I forgot my hat!

MARY
Hee-haw, hel-lo, Sam! How are you?

GEORGE
Oh, Sam Wainwright, huh?

MARY
Sam! I was just talking to an old friend of yours, George Bailey… Yep, old mossback George!

MADISON
O.M.G. now she’s trying to make George jealous by leading Sam on? Are we really supposed to be rooting for these people?

JOSEPH
It’s actually considered a very sweet love scene.

MADISON
O.M.G.! He’s physically grabbing and shaking her!

GEORGE
Now, you listen to me! I don’t want any plastics, and I don’t want any ground floors, and I don’t want to get married — ever — to anyone! You understand that? I want to do what I want to do. And you’re… and you’re… Oh, Mary! Mary!

MARY
George! George! George!

MADISON
Can we please move on from this toxicity?

JOSEPH
Well, the next scene is their… wedding day.

MADISON
Then can we just jump ahead to when he wants to kill himself?

JOSEPH
I still have to cover what lead him to that decision.

MADISON
Does it have to do with domestic abuse?

JOSEPH
No! Oh! But you’ll like this! Their wedding day ended up being on the same day as the financial panic of 1932!

MADISON
I’m listening…

SCENE FOUR

JOSEPH
George and Mary had just left their wedding reception and were off to begin their honeymoon. They were being driven to the train station by George’s good friend, Ernie Bishop, the cab driver.

ERNIE
Hey, where are you two going on this here now honeymoon?

GEORGE
We’re going to shoot the works, Ernie! A whole week in New York.
A whole week in Bermuda. The highest hotels, the oldest champagne, the hottest music and the prettiest wife!

ERNIE
Hot dog! Then what?

GEORGE
Then what, honey?

MARY
After that, who cares?

ERNIE
Hey, George, there’s something funny going on. Look over there, at the bank. It looks like a run!

GEORGE
Pull over there a minute, will ya, Ernie?

MARY
George, let’s not stop. Please. Let’s go straight to the station!

GEORGE
I better see what it is. I’ll be right back, Mary!

MADISON
Okay, so financial collapse lead him to want to kill himself? This where I step in?

JOSEPH
Now, you sit down, Madison. We’re nowhere near the point where George Bailey is thinking of taking his life.

MADISON
Seriously?

JOSEPH
In the waiting room of the Bailey Building and Loan, frantic people were clamoring for their savings…

GEORGE
Hey, what’s going on, Uncle Billy? What’s happened?

UNCLE BILLY
This is a pickle, George! A real pickle! All I know is the bank called our loan an hour ago. I had to hand over all our cash.

GEORGE
Holy mackerel!

UNCLE BILLY
Whole town’s gone crazy. The bank’s in the same spot we are!

GEORGE
Our charter says we have to stay open till six p.m. The state can take away our license if we don’t.

UNCLE BILLY
How can we stay open till six without any money? George, where’re you goin’!?

GEORGE
Out to talk to these people. Now listen, folks! Just a minute, please!

BERT
George! You need help with this crowd?

GEORGE
Oh, Bert, no! No police.

ED
How about our money, George? Where’s our money?

GEORGE
Ed, listen to me. Now, you’re thinking of this place all wrong. Your money’s not here. Your money’s in people’s houses! In the Kennedy house, and the McLarin house, and your house, and a hundred others. Now what are you going to do? Foreclose on them?

JOSEPH
Madison, you’re not paying attention.

MADISON
I’m sorry. But I’m being lulled to sleep by this absolutely boring banking stuff.

JOSEPH
Hmmm. I guess audiences of the 1940s would’ve had a firsthand understanding of the significance of the 1932 financial panic and recognize the gallant effort George took to keep the Building and Loan from closing.

MADISON
So I need a 20th Century History class to understand this part of the story?

JOSEPH
All right, we can skip ahead. Let me sum it up… Uh… basically Mary offers their honeymoon money to keep everyone from selling their shares to Potter –who took over the bank — and would, in turn, have controlling interest in the Building and Loan and, essentially, own all of Bedford Falls…

MADISON
I’m asleep again!

JOSEPH
They save the Building and Loan!

MADISON
So, another happy ending for George.

JOSEPH
Well, he didn’t get to travel again.

COUSIN TILLY
George, there’s a call for you.

GEORGE
Okay, Tilly, and then call my wife will you? She’s probably over at Mother’s.

COUSIN TILLY
Mrs. Bailey’s on the line.

GEORGE
I don’t want Mrs. Bailey, I want my wife. Mrs. Bail– That’s my wife! Give me the phone will you? Hey, Mary? Listen, I’m sorry… Come home? What home?… Three-twenty-three Sycamore? Well, whose home is that?

MADISON
Ah… His wedding night. Another happy ending for George.

JOSEPH
All right, let’s just move on.

MADISON
Buffalo gals can’t you come out tonight, can’t you come out tonight, can’t you come out tonight–

SCENE FIVE

JOSEPH
Time passed and George settled into married life and working at the Building and Loan. Eventually his dreams of leaving Bedford Falls were pushed aside and replaced by his day-to-day responsibilities.

MADISON
We’re really hanging this guy’s whole sob story on “boo-hoo his childhood dreams didn’t come true?” Because, dude, get in line.

JOSEPH
I’m just pointing this out because one day he was called in for a meeting with Mr. Potter that could change his entire life.

POTTER
Sit down, George, sit down.

GEORGE
Thank you, sir.

POTTER
Now George, you’re a young man… married, making, say, forty dollars a week at the Building and Loan.

GEORGE
Forty-five!

MADISON
Forty-five?

POTTER
Forty-five. Now, if you were an ordinary yokel, I’d say you were doing fine. But George Bailey is no ordinary yokel. He’s intelligent… ambitious. And he hates the Building and Loan almost as much as I do. He’s been dying to get out of town ever since he was born. But he’s trapped. Trapped into frittering his life away playing nursemaid to a lot of garlic-eaters. Do I paint a correct picture, George?

MADISON
You paint a racist picture of Italians.

GEORGE
Well, what’s your point, Mr. Potter?

POTTER
My point is, that I want to hire you. Manage my affairs. I’ll start you off at twenty thousand dollars.

GEORGE
Twenty thou– twenty thousand dollars a year?!

MADISON
That’s not that great.

JOSEPH
Well, considering the forty-five dollars a week equals less than three thousand a year…

MADISON
Oh, wow. So he takes the job? Then feels hollow with his success and wants to kill himself?

JOSEPH
No! Let them finish the scene.

GEORGE
What about the Building and Loan?

POTTER
Confound it man, I’m offering you a three-year contract at twenty thousand dollars a year. Is it a deal or isn’t it?

GEORGE
No… no… the answer’s no! Doggone it! You sit around here and spin your little webs and think the whole world revolves around you and your money! Well it doesn’t, Mr. Potter. In the whole vast configuration of things, I’d say that you’re nothing more than a scurvy little spider!

MADISON
Yeesh. Burn that bridge on the way outta town, George.

JOSEPH
But that night wasn’t over yet.

GEORGE
Mary Hatch, why in the world did you marry a guy like me, anyway?

MARY
To keep from being an old maid.

MADISON
Oh, there’s a good reason.

GEORGE
You could’ve married Sam Wainwright or anybody else in town.

MARY
I didn’t want to marry anybody else in town. I want my baby to look like you.

GEORGE
You didn’t even have a honeymoon, and I promised you that… you… your what?

MARY
My baby.

GEORGE
Mary, you mean you’re on the nest?!

MARY
George Bailey lassos stork!

GEORGE
Is… is it a boy or girl?!

MARY
Mm-hmm.

MADISON
Well, now he’s definitely trapped. Is this when he wanted to–

JOSEPH
NO!

MADISON
I really hope all of this backstory is necessary. It’s like the whole movie is the prequel.

SCENE SIX

JOSEPH
Well, Mary had her baby, a boy. Then she had another one, a girl. Followed by another boy. Then came the war. Mary had another baby by then.

MADISON
Fertile, ain’t she?

JOSEPH
But Mary still found time to help out with the U.S.O. Uncle Billy sold war bonds, and George’s brother, Harry, became a real hero. Shot down fifteen enemy planes.

MADISON
And George finally got to travel when he enlisted?

JOSEPH
George was 4-F on account of his ear.

MADISON
He was part of a youth organization?

JOSEPH
That’s 4-H. 4-F means he wasn’t fit for military duty.

MADISON
I thought that was weird. Like, he can’t go to war because he has a pig in the county fair?

JOSEPH
As I was saying… Night after night, George’d come home late from the office. Things weren’t good with the Bailey Building and Loan. Potter was really baring down on him.

MADISON
Sucks.

JOSEPH
Now, Madison, you know almost everything you have to know about George Bailey. Except what happened that finds him down there, at this very moment, wanting to die.

MADISON
Wait, this moment? You’ve been yammering on this whole time when he’s been literally on the verge of doing it?!

JOSEPH
Time is irrelevant in Heaven.

MADISON
I hope that means you hit a pause button.

JOSEPH
There are a few more events I have to cover. Today is the day before Christmas and George is pretty excited.

MADISON
He still believes in Santa?

JOSEPH
What? No.

MADISON
I mean, his childhood was robbed from him having to take a job at Gower’s Drugstore.

JOSEPH
Shush!

GEORGE
Hey, Tilly! Look at the newspaper! “Commander Harry Bailey decorated by the President.” That’s my kid brother! The Congressional Medal of Honor!

COUSIN TILLY
That’s wonderful, George!

GEORGE
Shot down an enemy plane just as it was about to dive into a transport loaded with soldiers! You know what that means? He saved hundreds of lives! Say, who’s that in Uncle Billy’s office?

COUSIN TILLY
It’s that man again. The bank examiner.

GEORGE
Well, where’s Uncle Billy?

COUSIN TILLY
Gone to the bank to make our monthly deposit.

UNCLE BILLY
Well, well, Mr. Potter! Come to the bank to deposit some more loot?

POTTER
Out of my way, you old fool!

UNCLE BILLY
How’d ya like the news in the paper, Mr. Potter? Just can’t keep those Bailey boys down, now, can you?

POTTER
I’ve been busy. I haven’t read the paper.

UNCLE BILLY
Well, here, have mine! I bought five! Have a nice day now, Mr. Potter!

HORACE THE TELLER
Well, hello there, Mr. Bailey and Merry Christmas. What can I do for you, today?

UNCLE BILLY
Hey, there, Horace. Here ya are! Deposit slip. Bank book. And a very Merry Christmas to you!

HORACE THE TELLER
Say, you’ve forgotten something, haven’t you?

UNCLE BILLY
How’s that?

HORACE THE TELLER
You want to make a deposit?

UNCLE BILLY
Oh, sure, sure.

HORACE THE TELLER
Well, it’s customary to bring the money with you.

UNCLE BILLY
Oh! Yes, yes, yes. It’s right here in my pocket. Or, maybe this pocket? Or… Umm…

MADISON
O.M.G. he lost the money!

JOSEPH
Yes. Uncle Billy couldn’t find the money because the envelope with the eight thousand dollar deposit was folded up in that newspaper he gave to old man Potter and he didn’t realize it.

MADISON
Oh! Daymn! And Potter’s not givin’ that back. Like I imagine Elon Musk seeing a kid at an ice cream truck drop a dollar and he just grabs it and runs off. No rocket pop for you, Jimmy.

JOSEPH
George was very upset when he learned that the money was missing.

GEORGE
Eight thousand dollars, Uncle Billy! The bank examiner’s here and it’s not our money, it belongs to the depositors! Now, listen to me! Think! Think, will you?!

UNCLE BILLY
I’ve retraced every step I took–

GEORGE
Where’s that money, you silly old fool? You know what this means?! It means bankruptcy and scandal, and prison! One of us is going to jail! Well, it’s not gonna be me! Now get outta my way, I’m going home!

MADISON
Oh, good, he’s gonna go home and take his anger out on his wife and children.

JOSEPH
Well…

MADISON
That is what he’s gonna do, isn’t he? Remind me again why I gotta save this guy’s life?

SCENE SEVEN

MARY
There you are, George–

GEORGE
What’s with that banging on the piano? Does she have to keep playing the same song over and over and over again?

JANIE
I have to practice for the Christmas party, Daddy.

MARY
What is it, dear? Another hectic day?

GEORGE
Yeah, another red letter day for the Baileys.

PETEY
Dad, the Murphys got a brand new car! You should see it!

GEORGE
What’s the matter with our car? Isn’t it good enough for you?

PETEY
I’m sorry, Dad. I only–

MARY
Run upstairs, Petey, and see if Zuzu’s all right.

PETEY
Okay, Mom.

GEORGE
What do you mean, “See if Zuzu’s all right”?

MARY
Oh, she caught a little cold coming home from school. She didn’t button up her coat. But the doctor says–

GEORGE
The doctor was here!?

MARY
Well, I thought he better look at her–

GEORGE
It’s this drafty old house. It’s no wonder we don’t all have pneumonia! Might as well be living in a refrigerator. Why did we have to live here in the first place and stay around this measly, crummy old town?

TOMMY
Daddy, how do you spell “frankincense”?

GEORGE
I don’t know how you spell it, Tommy! Why did we have to have all these kids?

MARY
Where’re you going?

GEORGE
Upstairs to see Zuzu!

MADISON
A dysfunctional middle class family at Christmas. This could be anywhere in America.

JOSEPH
George lashing out at his family demonstrates his desperate and hopeless mental state.

MADISON
No, it doesn’t. It’s clearly part of a pattern of bad behavior. When things haven’t gone his way he’s lashed out at Mary, Mr. Potter, Uncle Billy–

ZUZU
Look, daddy! I won a flower at school today!

GEORGE
That’s… uh… a very nice flower, Zuzu.

ZUZU
Oh, no! Some pedals fell off! Daddy! Paste it!

GEORGE
All right, I’ll just paste it here… There it is. Good as new.

JOSEPH
See? He’s very sweet to Zuzu.

MADISON
He just hid the pedals in his pocket and lied to her that he fixed it. Deception of a child is “sweet” to you?

MARY
Hello? … Oh, thank you, Mrs. Welch. I’m sure she’ll be all right.

GEORGE
Who’s that?

MARY
Zuzu’s schoolteacher.

GEORGE
Gimme that phone! Mrs. Welsh? This is Mr. Bailey! Say, what kind of teacher are you, anyway? What do you mean sending Zuzu home like that, half-naked? Do you realize she’ll probably end up with pneumonia because of your stupidity? You know, maybe my kids aren’t the best-dressed kids in town, but at least– Hello? Hello! Janie! Will you stop playing that lousy piano? Now cut it out! Stop it!

JANIE
Oh, daddy!

MADISON
And now he’s just scarred his other daughter for life.

MARY
George, why do you have to torture the children? Why don’t you–

GEORGE
I’m sorry, Mary. Janie… I’m sorry. Petey, Tommy… I owe you an apology, too. I… I’ve just got to get out of here.

SCENE EIGHT

JOSEPH
George was so desperate to replace that eight thousand dollars, he even went to Mr. Potter for help.

MADISON
Oof. Nothing worse than begging a favor from someone you totally dumped on. But parents are supposed to help you out, right?

POTTER
What kind of security would I have, George? What collateral?

GEORGE
Well, sir, I have some life insurance here, a fifteen thousand dollar policy.

POTTER
Oh? And what’s your equity in it?

GEORGE
Five hundred dollars.

POTTER
And you want eight thousand? You once called me a warped, frustrated old man. Well, what are you but a warped, frustrated young man? Crawling on your hands and knees for help. Why don’t you go to the riff-raff you love so well? Ask them for help!

GEORGE
Please, sir, my family–

POTTER
You know something, George? You’re worth more dead than you are alive.

JOSEPH
And all that time, Potter had the eight thousand dollars in his desk drawer.

MADISON
Well, it’s consistent with his character.

JOSEPH
After that, George went over to Martini’s bar and had a couple of drinks.

MADISON
Angry, drunk father on Christmas Eve. Anyone dreaming of a White Trash Christmas?

GEORGE
Dear Father in Heaven, I’m not a praying man, but if you’re up there and you can hear me, show me the way. I’m at the end of my rope.

MARTINI
Don’t drink any more, Mr. Bailey, please. You don’t feel so good.

WELCH
Bailey? You say Bailey? Which Bailey?

MARTINI
This gentleman is Mr. George Bailey.

WELCH
George Bailey, huh? And the next time you talk to my wife like that you’ll get worse! It isn’t enough she slaves teaching your stupid kids how to read and write — you gotta bawl her out!

MADISON
He’s not wrong.

MARTINI
Nick! Get him out of here!

NICK
Right, you are, Martini! Come on, you!

WELCH
All right, I’m goin’!

MARTINI
Mr. Bailey, you okay?

GEORGE
Who was that?

MARTINI
Mr. Welch, but don’t worry. He don’t come in this place no more! I get something for your face, your mouth is bleeding!

GEORGE
No, I’m all right.

MARTINI
Please don’t go, Mr. Bailey!

JOSEPH
Well, George left Martini’s bar five minutes ago. He’s at the river now, on the bridge, looking at the cold, rushing water. Are you ready, Madison?

MADISON
Oh? I’m on?

JOSEPH
Save George Bailey’s life and you’ll get your wings!

MADISON
So angels aren’t altruistic? Even they need a promise of reward in order to do a good deed?

JOSEPH
I’m giving your character stakes. Just get down there!

SCENE NINE

MADISON
George! George! Don’t do it! Dammit. His bad ear. He can’t hear me.

JOSEPH
Madison, jump in the water!

MADISON
What?!

JOSEPH
Jump in the water! George will jump in after you to save you!

MADISON
Based on his known behavioral patterns I find that hard to believe!

JOSEPH
You’re already dead, what’s it going to cost you?

MADISON
Why don’t you come down here and jump in an icy river?!

JOSEPH
I have my wings!

MADISON
Maybe I don’t want a promotion that badly!

JOSEPH
Just do it!

MADISON
If this is what happens when you go to Heaven, Hell must be seriously dismal. All right, here goes–

MADISON
Help! Help, I’m drowning! — F! This water’s cold!

GEORGE
Hang on there!

BRIDGE KEEPER
You both sure you’re all right?

MADISON
Dude, appreciate you letting us warm up in your shack. Sucks to work Christmas eve, huh?

BRIDGE KEEPER
How’d you… uh… manage to fall in?

MADISON
I didn’t fall in. I jumped in to save him.

GEORGE
Jumped in to save me?

MADISON
Well, I did, didn’t I? You didn’t go through with it, did you?

GEORGE
Go through with what?

MADISON
Suicide.

BRIDGE KEEPER
Hey, it’s against the law to commit suicide around here.

MADISON
Yeah, I’ve always wondered how that works. Do they arrest the corpse?

GEORGE
Oh, that’s very funny.

MADISON
Your lip’s bleeding.

GEORGE
Yeah, I got a bust in the jaw in answer to a prayer.

MADISON
Uh, actually, no. George, I’m the answer to your prayer. Tah- dah!!!

GEORGE
How’d you know my name?

MADISON
Ohmahgod, I had to sit through, like, thirty somethin’ pages of your life’s story.

GEORGE
Who are you supposed to be anyway?

MADISON
Madison Standish, A-S-2.

GEORGE
A-S-2? What’s that A-S-2 for?

MADISON
Angel, Second Class.

BRIDGE KEEPER
Hey, uh, I gotta do my rounds, so… If you’ll both excuse me.

MADISON
I should probably get going, too. I saved your life, so we’re good here, right?

GEORGE
Sure, angel. You gonna fly away? Where’s your wings?

MADISON
Dammit, you’re right. I still don’t have them. Ugh. I probably have to help solve your other problems, too.

GEORGE
You’re gonna solve my problems? Why’s that?

MADISON
Because I’m your guardian angel, duh.

GEORGE
Oh, I see. Well, you don’t happen to have eight thousand bucks on ya, do ya?

MADISON
Uh, no. We don’t use money in Heaven. Strictly Apple Pay.

GEORGE
Money comes in pretty handy down here. Of course, I found it out a little late. You know, I’m worth more dead than alive.

MADISON
Aw… don’t diminish your self worth like that!

GEORGE
If it hadn’t been for me, everybody’d be better off! My wife, and my kids and my friends.

MADISON
Actually, from what I’ve seen of your life, there is some truth in that.

GEORGE
They’d all have been better off if I’d never been born.

MADISON
Come again?

GEORGE
I said, I wish I’d never been born!

MADISON
Ah, there’s that quick to anger thing. Oh! But, Dude! Idea! Boom. You got your wish. You’ve never been born.

GEORGE
I’ve never been born?

MADISON
Totes! No worries, no eight thousand dollars to get, nothin’. You simply don’t exist.

GEORGE
Hey, wait a minute. This ear of mine. Say something else in that bad ear.

MADISON
You’re not George Bailey. No bad ear. And your lip stopped bleeding.

GEORGE
Say, what’s happening around here? What is this, anyway? I need a drink, that’s what I need! What about you, angel, you want a drink?

MADISON
Don’t have to ask me twice. As you can imagine, the alcohol selection in Heaven is pretty limited. Like, who wants to get drunk on schnapps? I mean, I still do, but… it’s weird to get wasted on peppermint.

SCENE TEN

NICK
What’ll ya have?

GEORGE
Hey, Nick, where’s Martini?

NICK
You want a Martini?

GEORGE
No! No! Your boss, Martini!

MADISON
The guy who owns the bar is named “Martini”? Little on the nose, don’t you think?

NICK
Look, wise guy, I’m the boss, see?

GEORGE
Okay! We’ll both have a double scotch.

NICK
All right, then. Two double scotches.

GEORGE
This place. It’s all changed!

MADISON
I like it! This is how you spend a Christmas eve! Oh, nice. Somebody just made it.

GEORGE
Made what?

MADISON
Okay, so, every time a bell rings, an angel gets their wings. That’s why churches have steeple bells. Guarantees a ton of angels get their wings. Bet you didn’t know that.

NICK
Hey, you! Rummy! Didn’t I tell you never to come panhandling around here?

GEORGE
Hey, it’s Mr. Gower! Mr. Gower!

GOWER
You… you buy me a drink, mister?

GEORGE
Don’t you know me? It’s George Bailey!

NICK
All right, Rummy, you’re outta here!

GEORGE
Wait! No! That’s Mr. Gower, the druggist!

NICK
That rum head spent twenty years in jail for poisoning some kid. If you know him, you must be a jailbird yourself.

GEORGE
No, Nick!

NICK
That’s another thing. Where do you get off callin’ me, “Nick?”

GEORGE
Well… uh… Nick–

NICK
That’s it. Out the door or trew the winda!

MADISON
Ugh. First jumping into icy water, now being thrown in a snow drift? Next time you have a personal crisis, could you do it in July?

GEORGE
I don’t understand. What was Nick saying about Mr. Gower?

MADISON
You weren’t there to stop him from putting poison in that prescription. Of course it was the 1920s and opium was still used for medicinal purposes.

GEORGE
What do you mean, I wasn’t there? Look, what are you, a hypnotist? Why am I seeing all these strange things?

MADISON
Because you were never born. O.M.G. how many times do I gotta say it?

GEORGE
Then if I wasn’t born, who am I?

MADISON
Uh, nobody. No identity, no papers, no cards, no driver’s license, no 4-H card, no insurance policy. And no Zuzu’s pedals.

GEORGE
You know about Zuzu’s pedals?

MADISON
Look, Dude, you’ve been given a great gift. A chance to see what the world would be like without you.

GEORGE
You’re crazy.

MADISON
I fulfilled your wish! Although your lifelong wish has been to travel. I bet I coulda fixed all this with a four night stay in Florida.

GEORGE
You’re crazy and you’re driving me crazy, too! Now look, I’m going home to my wife and family, do you understand that?

JOSEPH
Better not leave him alone, Madison. Keep following him.

MADISON
Now he’s seeing Main Street the way it would be if he hadn’t lived. HA! Bedford Falls is called “Pottersville.” I’m not surprised. It’s like Trump emblazoning his name on every building he owns. Pawn shops… Oh, The Bailey Building and Loan is a dance hall. Look at all of those dance halls! Yeah… you’re right, Joseph. I… should probably stick by him.

JOSEPH
Well, hurry. He’s talking to Ernie the cab driver and Ernie has no idea who George is.

MADISON
Dime a dance? You think they take Apple Pay?

SCENE ELEVEN

GEORGE
C’mon, step on it, Ernie, get me home. I’m off my nut!

ERNIE
Where do you live, buddy?

GEORGE
Aw, doggone it, Ernie, don’t you start pulling that stuff on me. Three-twenty-three Sycamore.

ERNIE
Three-twenty-three Sycamore?

GEORGE
And hurry up. Zuzu’s sick.

ERNIE
Okay, buddy.

GEORGE
Hey, look, Ernie, I don’t know what’s happening. I’m goin’ crazy or something. Tell me this, you’re Ernie Bishop, right? And you live with your wife and kid down in–

ERNIE
You seen my wife?

GEORGE
Seen your wife? I’ve been to your house a hundred times!

ERNIE
Look, bud, my wife took the kid and ran away five years ago and I ain’t seen you before in my life, see?

GEORGE
Okay, Ernie, okay. Just step on it. Get me home.

MADISON
Cab! Cabbie! Wait!! Dammit. I missed them.

MAN
Hey, pretty lady. That’s a nice dress.

MADISON
Oh. This old thing? Why, I only wear it when I don’t care how I look.

JOSEPH
Madison…

MADISON
Gotta go.

GEORGE
Mary! Mary, where are you!? Janie! Petey! Tommy! Zuzu!

MADISON
This is just an old abandoned house, George. You have no wife. No children. And, hey, without the burden of responsibilities, you wanna make some travel plans?

GEORGE
Where are they? What have you done with them?!

ERNIE
There you are, Bert. Crazy just like I told ya!

BERT
All right, up with your hands!

GEORGE
Oh, Bert! Thank heaven you’re here!

MADISON
O.M.G.! Bert and Ernie?! Is this where–

JOSEPH
No.

MADISON
On Sesame–

JOSEPH
No.

MADISON Jim Hen–

JOSEPH
NO! A statement released by the production company says it’s purely a coincidence. Now get back in there, he’s about to be arrested.

BERT
Look, buddy, why don’t you be a good fella and I’ll take you to a doctor?

GEORGE
What’s the matter with you guys? Now, listen. It’s that blonde girl there. She says she’s an angel.

BERT
I hate to use my nightstick, but– Owww!!!

MADISON
Excessive force! Police Brutality!

BERT
Owww! Stop biting me!

MADISON
Run, George, run!

BERT
Stop it, now! Ernie! Help me!

ERNIE
Let go!

MADISON
Joseph! Little help?!

BERT
Where’d she go, Ernie? She disappeared!

ERNIE
She ran that way down the street.

BERT
Oh.

ERNIE
I need a drink.

SCENE TWELVE

MADISON
George! George!

GEORGE
My mother. My own mother didn’t even know me. If only Harry were here. If my brother were back from Washington–

MADISON
Brother’s dead.

GEORGE
That’s a lie! He got the Congressional Medal Of Honor! He saved the lives of every man on that transport!

MADISON
Nope. All dead.

GEORGE
That’s not possible!

MADISON
Sorry, hang on. No wings, had to run. Woo! Every man on that transport died. Harry wasn’t there to save them, because you weren’t there to save Harry. Don’t you see, George? You really had a wonderful life. Well, maybe “wonderful” is a little exaggerated. But your life had some highlights.

GEORGE
Madison… Where’s Mary?

MADISON
You’re not going to like it.

GEORGE
Where is she?! I’ll choke it out of you if I have to!

MADISON
You hear that, Joseph? He’s threatening violence again!

GEORGE
Where is my wife?!

MADISON
The library! Geez! Joseph, you sure my mission isn’t to get him into anger management?

GEORGE
Mary! Mary!!

MARY
I’m sorry, the library is closed.

GEORGE
Mary, it’s George! Don’t you know me?

MARY
No, I don’t know you. Ah! Let me go!

GEORGE
Mary, please don’t do this to me! Please, Mary, help me!! Where’s our kids? I need you, Mary!! Help me, Mary!!!

MARY
Get away from me! Help! Help!

GEORGE
Please, Mary!!!

MADISON
Let go of her!!

GEORGE
Madison! Mary didn’t know me!

MADISON
I know! And you just assaulted a woman on the street. That angry mob is coming for you!

GEORGE
What do I do?!

MADISON
Come on! Back to the bridge!

SCENE THIRTEEN

GEORGE
Help me, Madison. Get me back. I don’t care what happens to me — only get me back to my wife and kids, please! I want to live again!

MADISON
Why? Is there a dog you haven’t kicked yet?

JOSEPH
Madison, he wants to live. Your mission is complete. You’ve earned your wings.

MADISON
Then why do I feel so dirty?

GEORGE
I want to live again, please. Oh God, please, let me live again!

BERT
George? Is that you, George?

GEORGE
Now, get out of here, Bert! Get out of here! You get any closer and I’ll let you have it!

BERT
What the Sam Hill you yelling for, George?

GEORGE
George? Bert, do you know me?

BERT
Know you? I’ve been lookin’ all over town for you.

GEORGE
I’m alive again, Bert!

BERT
Hey, your mouth’s bleedin’!

GEORGE
It is? Hey! My mouth’s bleeding, Bert! My mouth’s bleeding! Zuzu’s pedals in my pocket– There they are!

BERT
Get in the car, George. I’ll drive you home.

MADISON
So that’s it? He gets another happy ending?

GEORGE
Merry Christmas, Bedford Falls!! Merry Christmas, old Building and Loan! Merry Christmas, Mr. Potter!

JOSEPH
Yes, Madison. You see, each man’s life touches so many other lives.

GEORGE
Mary?! I’m home! Where are you? Oh, hey, Mr. Bank Examiner! Merry Christmas! I bet you’re here because there’s a deficit! Eight thousand dollars. And the Sheriff! I’ll bet it’s a warrant for my arrest, isn’t that wonderful? Merry Christmas!

JANIE/PETEY/TOMMY
Merry Christmas, Daddy!

GEORGE
Kids! Where’s your mother?

JANIE
She went looking for you, daddy, with Uncle Billy.

ZUZU
Daddy!

GEORGE
Zuzu! My little gingersnap! How do you feel?

ZUZU
Fine, Daddy. Not a smidge of temperature!

MARY
George, darling! Where have you been?

GEORGE
Mary! Oh, you have no idea what’s happened to me!

MARY
You have no idea what’s happened, either! Uncle Billy! Come in, everybody!!

UNCLE BILLY
George! Look — just look! Money, George! A laundry basket filled with money! Mary did it, George!

GEORGE
I don’t understand? What money?

MARY
People heard you were in trouble. Your friends! They’ve collected this money for you! The eight thousand dollars!

GEORGE
There’s Martini, Nick, Mr. Gower! Ed? Ernie? Everybody!

ERNIE
None of us would have a roof over our heads if it wasn’t for you, George!

HARRY
I got Mary’s telegraph, George! I flew in as fast as I could!

GEORGE
Harry!

ERNIE
Hey, everybody how about a toast!

HARRY
Good idea, a toast… to my big brother, George. The richest man in town!

MARY
George, in the basket of money, look, there’s a note for you.

GEORGE
Oh, yeah? Let me see. “Dear George, remember no man is a failure who has friends. Thanks for the wings. Now try not to be a dick to your wife. Love, Madison.”

MARY
Madison?

GEORGE
She’s a… uh… Well, I wouldn’t exactly call her a “friend”…

ZUZU
Look, Daddy! Teacher says, every time a bell rings, an angel gets their wings!

GEORGE
That’s right, Zuzu… that’s right! Attagirl, Madison!

EPILOGUE

MADISON
While “It’s a Wonderful Life” received five academy award nominations, including best picture, in its original release, the film earned mixed reviews and didn’t do well at the box office. Leading the studios to believe Frank Capra had lost his touch. It wasn’t until the film’s copyright ran out in 1974, that the now classic movie got it’s true recognition. Once in the public domain, the film was played excessively on small television affiliates throughout the Christmas season and new audiences fell in love
with it. Then, in 1993, a dispute arose about the film’s copyright, and since that time the rights to show the movie have been limited to Turner Broadcasting and then NBC. No matter how you view it, “It’s a Wonderful Life” still tops all of the “Best Movies of All Times” lists and remains a Beloved Christmas Classic.