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MADISON ON THE AIR: “DRAGNET; THE BIG TRUNK”
ADAPTED BY CHRISI TALYN SAJE: OCT 2020
SCENE ONE
ANNOUNCER
Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to hear is true.
MADISON
Well, mostly true.
ANNOUNCER
The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
MADISON
You think anyone ever listens and are like, “Dude! That’s totally Carl from work!”? C’mon, there’s still some copyright laws we aren’t breaking.
ANNOUNCER
You’re a detective sergeant.
MADISON
‘Kay.
ANNOUNCER
You’re assigned to Homicide Detail.
MADISON
Ooo.
ANNOUNCER
An attractive divorcee disappears from her home.
MADISON
“Attractive”? Like anyone’s gonna say, “The bitch be ugly.”
ANNOUNCER
There’s no lead to her whereabouts. There’s evidence of foul play. Your job… find her.
SCENE TWO
JOE
It was Tuesday, June 10th. It was mild in Los Angeles.
MADISON
Mild? So like sweater weather?
JOE
We were working the day watch out of Homicide Detail. My partner’s Madison Standish.
MADISON
Hi!
JOE
The boss is Captain Lohrman. My name’s Friday. We were on our way out from the office and it was 11:15 A.M. when we got to 2962 Reservoir Street.
FERN
You the police?
MADISON
You the nosy neighbor who called in the missing person’s report?
FERN
That’s right. I’m Mrs. Harrison. C’mon in. I got some coffee on if you’d like a cup while we talk.
MADISON
O.M.G., I could totally go for a mocha latte right about now. 1954 has a surprising lack of Starbucks.
JOE
No thanks. We’d like to get started on this.
MADISON
Ugh!! Joe, you suck.
FERN
They didn’t find anything when they went into Judy’s house did they?
JOE
No, ma’am. Wonder if you tell us what you know about her disappearance.
FERN
Last time I saw her was Friday the sixth. Out in her yard. She was out hangin’ up clothes.
MADISON
Hanging up clothes? Was her dryer broken or something?
FERN
We got to talkin’. Y’know about neighborhood stuff.
MADISON
No, seriously, like, she should call her landlord about that.
JOE
Did there seem to be anything wrong then?
MADISON
Besides her having to hang up clothes in the backyard?! Electricity is a thing now, right?
FERN
She… doesn’t have a dryer.
MADISON
Oh… that totally blows.
JOE
What we mean is, ma’am, did she seem upset about anything?
FERN
Not that she told me about. We were pretty close. She told me just about everything that happened to her. When her and Allen were still married we used to get together all the time. Have a barbecue. Go to the movies–
MADISON
Have a threesome.
FERN
–That sort of thing. I’m sorry, what?
JOE
Ignore her. Allen, that’s Judy’s husband?
FERN
Yeah. Allen Nelson.
MADISON
Oh, he totally did it.
JOE
She’s divorced, is that correct?
FERN
Uh-huh. But it’s not final yet.
MADISON
It’s totes the husband.
JOE
Was there any trouble between them?
MADISON
Yeah, no. They’re divorcing because they get along so good.
JOE
There are amicable divorces.
MADISON
Tell that to the Kardashians.
JOE
Mrs. Harrison, did they have any arguments? Any disagreements?
FERN
Off and on. Allen wanted to get back together again. But he works down in San Diego, so he’s not home much.
JOE
Did Mrs. Nelson have any men friends?
FERN
Well, she’s a handsome woman.
MADISON
When I hear “handsome woman,” am I the only one who thinks the woman is like… manly looking? Like, not bad looking but maybe she’s got like, a squared off jaw or something? Just me?
FERN
She does have a lot of… men friends.
MADISON
Nailed it. Husband.
JOE
Did Mrs. Nelson see any one person more than the others?
FERN
David Lansing. They used to go out quite a bit. I think David wanted to marry her as soon as the divorce was final.
MADISON
Alright, so it’s the husband. Can we go get coffee now? Ooo! Or maybe lunch? It’s not too early for a Nicoise Salad, is it?
JOE
Have you seen this David Lansing around lately?
FERN
Not since Judy disappeared. If you ask me, I think he had something to do with Judy bein’ gone.
MADISON
What? Why?
FERN
They were always fightin’. I could hear ’em all the way over here.
MADISON
Ooo… what’s the T?
FERN
Excuse me?
JOE
What’d they argue about?
FERN
David wanted to marry her but she wouldn’t until the divorce was final.
JOE
Lansing didn’t like that, huh?
FERN
He didn’t like it one bit.
MADISON
Like it or not, doesn’t she need to be divorced first? Bigamy laws? Anyone? No?
FERN
He was pretty sore about her still living in Allen’s house, even if he was in San Diego.
JOE
Did any of these arguments ever get serious?
FERN
If you mean did he hit her, no. Though I’ve seen him so mad I thought he was gonna do it. About 10 days ago I was over there. My T.V. was on the blink and I went over to see one of my favorite programs.
MADISON
God. Life before On-Demand. It’s positively primitive.
FERN
David was there and in no time they were yellin’ and screamin’. Kinda made me embarrassed.
MADISON
Did you have to bring a Jell-o mold when you went over? I mean, that was a thing in the 50s, right?
JOE
Then what happened?
FERN
That’s when he said it.
MADISON
Ooo! What’d he say?
FERN
Said for Judy to get rid of Allen or David would get rid of her.
SCENE THREE
JOE
We continued to question the Harrison woman about Mrs. Nelson.
MADISON
Well, you did. I had to use the bathroom. Thankfully they had toilet paper in 1954. I mean, seriously, you never know.
JOE
Madison and I left and went next door. We checked through the Nelson house. It was exactly the way the two uniformed officers had found it that morning. None of the furniture seemed to be disturbed, there was no sign of a struggle. On the dining room table, there was a setting for two people. Silverware, napkins, and glasses were ready to be used. On the plates themselves was a complete meal. None of the food had been touched.
MADISON
Well, no wonder. The food was, “Gimme some fat with a side of grease.” You sure she didn’t just die of a heart attack?
JOE
We looked for Mrs. Nelson’s luggage. There was no way of being sure, but apparently none of her things had been taken. We went through the house and out into the backyard. There was no sign of anything wrong there either.
MADISON
Yeah, except for clothes hanging from a rope. Seriously. Back then, did everybody just wave their Fruit-of-the-Looms around like flags for the whole neighborhood to see?
JOE
You really need to get over it.
MADISON
I will not.
JOE
We decided to check out the garage. Trunk there. Better take a look.
MADISON
No way.
JOE
Looks like stains of some kind.
MADISON
Ew-wah!
JOE
It’s wrapped up. Labels, rope. Like they were going to mail it. You have anything to cut a rope with?
MADISON
Oh, sure, let me get my rope cutters out of my purse.
JOE
Strong knots. But I think I got ’em. Here, gimme a hand with the lock.
MADISON
Hard pass.
JOE
You’re not going to help? You’re just going to stand there?
MADISON
You know there’s a dead body in the trunk. There’s always a dead body in the trunk. I do not need to see the dead body in the trunk!
JOE
Fine, I got it. Huh.
MADISON
What? What’s in there? Is it a dead body?
JOE
See for yourself.
MADISON
OHMYGOD! Joe, you dick!
JOE
Now we know where she is.
MADISON
I’m so gonna puke.
JOE
Let’s figure out who put her there.
SCENE FOUR
JOE
A crew from the crime lab was called and they came out to go over the house and garage.
MADISON
Great. You’re monologuing again.
JOE
A check of the labels on the trunk indicated the trunk was addressed to a David Lansing on Rowena Avenue in Glendale. While the men
from the crime lab continued their investigation, Madison and I drove to Glendale to see Lansing.
MADISON
What am I supposed to do while you move the plot along?
JOE
We found out from headquarters that Lansing had an arrest record listing several drunk charges and two major fights.
MADISON
I really wish I had my iPhone.
JOE
Lansing wasn’t home, so we talked to his landlady, but she told us she hadn’t seen him in several days. We checked his room and questioned her about his car. She told us where he was employed as well as the name and business address of Lansing’s roommate.
MADISON
Don’t you find it at all creepy that the landlady knows that much about the guy? I mean, seriously. If my landlord knew that much about me, I’d be getting a restraining order.
JOE
Lansing’s place of employment reported that he hadn’t been to work in several days. We drove over to see the roommate. He worked in a large television store on Pico Boulevard.
SCENE FIVE
MADISON
We still haven’t eaten lunch. It’s gotta be like, three o’clock by now.
JOE
You could’ve had something back at headquarters.
MADISON
No, I couldn’t. There was literally nothing but donuts. Apparently you are where the stereotype started.
JOE
Nothin’ wrong with donuts.
MARK
Is there something I can do for you?
JOE
I’d like to see Mark Gilson.
MARK
I’m Mark Gilson.
JOE
Police officers, Mr. Gilson. I’m Friday. This is my partner, Madison Standish.
MADISON
Do you guys have a vending machine or something?
JOE
Like to ask you a couple of questions about David Lansing.
MARK
Dave in trouble again?
MADISON
A leftover turkey sandwich in the back, maybe?
JOE
You know where he is?
MARK
No, I haven’t seen him for a couple of days.
MADISON
I’d even go for some boneless chicken wings from Applebee’s. Which, spoiler alert, are just chicken nuggets in buffalo sauce.
JOE
Madison, do you want to go wait in the car?
MADISON
No. Apparently the LAPD couldn’t spring for cars with AC.
JOE
Mr. Gilson, do you have any idea where we can find him?
MARK
Uh, can I ask what this is about?
MADISON
He mighta killed the married woman he’s been diddling.
JOE
We’d prefer to talk to Lansing about it.
MADISON
He asked.
JOE
When was the last time you saw him?
MARK
Friday night. He was pretty bugged about Judy.
JOE
You know Judy Nelson?
MARK
Never met her. Dave was all the time talkin’ about how we were gonna get together some night and have dinner. Never got around to it, though.
MADISON
I know the feeling.
JOE
Here’s the keys.
MADISON
If that tank of yours had power steering, I’d be outta here right now.
JOE
What did he say about Judy when you saw him last?
MARK
Way Dave put it, they’d gotten into a beef about her husband Friday. Got pretty mean.
MADISON
Ooo, really? Spill.
MARK
Yeah. Uh… Dave’d been drinkin’. He doesn’t take to booze too good.
MADISON
Oh, I totes understand. Too many shots of tequila for me and– Go on, Mr. Gilson.
MARK
I told him to take it easy. He said for me not to worry. Said he had decided somethin’. I figured it was about Judy.
JOE
Uh-huh.
MARK
Funny thing about Dave. Takes him a while to make up his mind about what to do. But once he decides, there isn’t anything that can stop him.
JOE
Not always.
MARK
Huh?
JOE
Looks like he missed this time.
SCENE SIX
JOE
Madison and I went back to the office–
MADISON
After we stopped for some food. Which took forever, by the way, because, hello, there isn’t any fast food yet. Not even McDonald’s. It’s like some sort of alternate universe where everybody has to wait for stuff.
JOE
We put out a local broadcast and an A.P.B. on David Lansing along with the information on his automobile. We made arrangements for a stakeout to be placed on his home.
MADISON
Which, thankfully, wasn’t us. I could not spend another five minutes in the car with Joe. Let’s just say he’s super possessive of anybody who wants to play with the two way radio.
JOE
Madison and I went back to the crime lab and met with Lieutenant Lee Jones. He went over the physical evidence found at the murder scene. The trunk itself had been checked over as well as the ropes it had been tied up with and the mailing label. The rope was of a common variety that could be purchased anywhere. The knots, however, were of a type generally used by seamen– To secure heavy articles. What?!
MADISON
I’m sorry. That was not cool. Go on.
JOE
We made arrangements to obtain samples of Lansing’s handwriting for comparison with the writing on the label. The next morning Madison and I met with Captain Lohrman and went over what we had. It was decided that David Lansing was the prime suspect.
MADISON
Prime suspect? Are we still focusing on the boyfriend? I’m not saying he doesn’t sound like a total douche but Dave was gettin’ some, right? It’s the husband she wasn’t puttin’ out for. Why would the guy gettin’ laid kill her? It’s logic.
JOE
After we left the city hall, we started checking on Lansing’s friends and acquaintances. The first one we talked to was a Miss Beatrice Fredericks. Madison insisted on leading the line of questioning.
MADISON
Damn straight I did. Since you pretty much already decided that that David guy did it.
JOE
No, I did not. “Prime suspect” just means–
MADISON
Shh! No more talking!
SCENE SEVEN
MADISON
Hey, Beatrice! S’up? Whatcha know about Dave?
BEATRICE
Honey, he’s a bum.
MADISON
Totally got that. Major skeeze vibe. You think he could kill somebody?
JOE
Why don’t we focus on the facts, rather than guesswork?
MADISON
Oh, right. “Just the facts, ma’am.”
JOE
I’ve never actually said that.
MADISON
Really?
JOE
Google it.
MADISON
Wait, what’d you say?
JOE
Miss Fredricks, how long have you known David Lansing?
BEATRICE
’bout 10 years. We went together. What’s this about killin’ somebody?
MADISON
Ooop! Sorry! Spoiler alert!
JOE
When’d you see him last?
MADISON
I thought I was leading the questioning.
JOE
Go ahead.
MADISON
Thank you. So, Miss Fredricks, … What zodiac sign are you?
JOE
How is that relevant?
MADISON
Of course you’d ask that. You’re such a Leo.
JOE
Please, Miss Fredricks, when did you last see David Lansing?
BEATRICE
I guess it was Saturday. Yeah, Saturday night. He came in the bar where I work at as a hostess. We talked.
MADISON
I was a hostess at Applebee’s. God, I hated all of that standing.
BEATRICE
Oh, don’t I know it, honey. Any chance I get take a load off. My dogs are always barkin’.
JOE
What did you and Lansing talk about?
BEATRICE
Oh, the old days. I’m not gonna give you a line. I carried a torch for the mook. I was set to get hitched. Everything was duck soup until he met this Nelson broad.
MADISON
You talk so old-timey. I have no idea what you said but it’s adorbs.
JOE
He say anything about Mrs. Nelson Saturday night?
BEATRICE
Honey, he don’t talk about much else. All the time it’s what she said, what she did. All the time that way.
MADISON
But what’d he say Saturday night about Judy? “I totally killed her” or “I totally would never kill her”…
BEATRICE
So you’re sayin’ Judy’s dead?
MADISON
And stuffed in a trunk. It was mega rachid.
JOE
Miss Fredricks, we’d just like an idea of Lansing’s state of mind when you spoke to him on Saturday.
BEATRICE
He was upset. They’d been fightin’. But he’s like that. He spends all his time with her tyin’ him up in knots and then you know who
he goes to when he got problems?
JOE
I wouldn’t know, ma’am.
BEATRICE
Me, that’s who.
MADISON
Ooo! I knew a guy like that in college.
BEATRICE
Thinks he’s a real big man. All the time with the chicks.
MADISON
Yeah! And you think he likes you so you stay up all night doing the entire English project by yourself and then he goes to the Pi Kappa Alpha party with your roommate.
BEATRICE
I hear that. I tell ya what, as soon as he gets back, I’m gonna tell him to leave me alone.
JOE
Get back? You know where he is?
BEATRICE
When he come see me Saturday he said he was broke and needed to borrow some cash ‘cuz he was gonna leave town. I think he said ‘Frisco.
JOE
Not our prime suspect, huh?
MADISON
Shut up.
SCENE EIGHT
JOE
We went back to the office and got in touch with the authorities
in San Francisco and asked them to check on the suspect for us.
We put in a call to the coroner’s office. The body had been posted and the time of death was set at sometime Friday night. Two days passed. Saturday, June l4th, Madison and I checked in to work.
MADISON
I can’t believe we gotta work on a Saturday. After I got fired from Applebee’s, I swore I’d never work another Saturday again.
JOE
Fired, huh? Surprising.
MADISON
Bite me. You’re 35 and you live with your mom.
JOE
You’re 26 and live with your mom.
MADISON
Socioeconomic hard times!
JOE
Keep telling yourself that. Homicide, Friday… Uh-huh… Yeah. When’d you get him? Yeah… okay, we’ll be right over. C’mon. We gotta get over to the main jail. They got Lansing.
MADISON
Stuff is expensive! Do you know how much it costs just to have my phone? And they want you to pay rent every single month!
JOE
Things are tough all over.
MADISON
It’s not like anybody gets paid to do podcasts.
JOE
Here, read this under the transition music.
MADISON
I get to do the monologue?
JOE
Go for it.
MADISON
David Lansing was picked up this morning and booked in violation of section 4127A of… uck… who cares…
JOE
Keep reading.
MADISON
Okay, so Dave was picked up totally wasted. Brought to the jail… figured out who he was… blah, blah, blah… checked out his handwriting to compare with the trunk’s label?… Are we still thinking he was mailing his dead girlfriend to himself? Seriously? That was a better option than just throwing the trunk in the back of his car? C’mon, small cars in the 1950’s make a Chevy Suburban look like a compact.
JOE
When you do the monologues, try not to editorialize.
MADISON
Meh, meh, meh, meh, meh.
JOE
I’ll finish. Madison and I took the suspect to the interrogation room for questioning. He was fairly sober but complained of a bad headache. Madison went down the hall and brought back some hot coffee–
MADISON
Still no mocha lattes.
JOE
–We told Lansing of Judy Nelson’s death. Didn’t seem to make a difference to him.
SCENE NINE
DAVID
That’s hot.
MADISON
Don’t piss me off. I’m the only one who doesn’t think you’re the primary suspect.
DAVID
Primary suspect? For what?
JOE
Alright, Lansing. You wanna tell us why you did it?
DAVID
What’d I do?
MADISON
He thinks you killed Judy Nelson.
DAVID
Like to help you out. Only one problem. I didn’t do it.
JOE
Evidence doesn’t point that way.
MADISON
Well, the limited amount of circumstantial evidence could be Dave, here, or, stick with me, it could be the husband who we haven’t even brought in yet for questioning.
DAVID
Yeah. What she said.
JOE
Look, we’re supposed to be a united front on this.
MADISON
Then maybe you should’ve just once listened to my opinion!
JOE
Maybe if you hadn’t reached that “opinion” within two minutes of interviewing the neighbor, but instead formed your conclusion after an exhaustive search for actual evidence–
MADISON
Actual evidence?! We talked to a nosy neighbor, a disgruntled roommate and a super pissed off ex-girlfriend–
DAVID
Ex-girlfriend?
MADISON
Beatrice. Don’t go back to that well. She’s totally dried up, ya know what I mean?
JOE
Look, Lansing, were you ever in the service? Merchant Marines? Did any sea duty?
DAVID
What’dya mean?
MADISON
Ya know… a seaman.
JOE
That’s enough. So what is it, Lansing?
DAVID
Not me! I get sea-sick in the shower!
JOE
Yeah?
SAM
Note for you, Friday.
JOE
Thanks.
MADISON
What is it? What’s it say?
JOE
Madison, will you step into the hall? Lansing, we’ll be right back.
MADISON
What is it?
JOE
Read this.
MADISON
HA! Lansing’s handwriting doesn’t match the label on the trunk! I knew it! I’m sorry, Joe, what was that? What were you about to say?
JOE
Looks like we might have the wrong man.
MADISON
Which means… Madison… you were… right…
JOE
You were right about it not being Lansing. But we still have no evidence that it was the husband. Let’s find out what Lansing knows about Judy’s last night alive.
MADISON
Ooo! I got this!
JOE
Madison–
MADISON
You owe me.
SCENE TEN
MADISON
We continued to question the no-longer prime suspect, David Lansing. He said he’d gone over to Judy’s place at 7:30 that Friday night.
JOE
Why’d you go to Mrs. Nelson’s house that night?
DAVID
I wanted to try and talk some sense into her. I loved her. I wanted to marry her. But all the time this ex-husband–
MADISON
Who wasn’t really an ex because they were still legally married.
DAVID
Well, yeah. He kept hanging around trying to get her to stay with him. So I went over to talk to her.
JOE
Then what happened?
DAVID
I didn’t call before I went over. That made her pretty mad.
MADISON
I’d be mad, too, if some guy just showed up at my place without letting me know he was coming first. Of course, I also don’t like it when people call me unless they text me first to say they’re going to call me.
JOE
What?
MADISON
It’s a thing.
DAVID
So I asked her what was wrong. She’d never acted like that before. Then she tells me Allen is comin’ up from San Diego.
MADISON
So the husband was in town that Friday night! Told you, told you, told you!
JOE
Try to keep it together, Madison. This isn’t a school yard. What else did Mrs. Nelson say?
DAVID
She said I couldn’t stay long because Allen was comin’ up for dinner. She was cookin’ for him.
MADISON
The uneaten dinner on the table!!!
JOE
Madison.
MADISON
Sorry. Keep going.
DAVID
So I told her I wanted to marry her and I didn’t want her to string me along anymore. I wanted her to make a decision.
JOE
What’d she say to that?
DAVID
She said she had a way everything was gonna work out. Said she’d let me know Saturday morning. She told me she didn’t want me there when Allen got there, so I left.
JOE
About what time was that?
DAVID
I dunno. Close to eight I guess.
MADISON
And you didn’t hear from her Saturday morning, did you?
JOE
We’ve established her time of death was Friday night, so no, he didn’t hear from her Saturday morning.
MADISON
Yeah. Duh. So what did you do when you didn’t hear from her? Lemme guess. You went to her house, no one was home, so you got drunk with Beatrice and left town without telling your roommate or your work because you were desperately trying to find Judy, right?
DAVID
Well, not entirely. I mean, when I didn’t hear from her and saw she wasn’t home, I thought maybe Allen had talked her into going to San Diego.
MADISON
So you went to look for her in San Diego!
DAVID
No. I got drunk for three days.
MADISON
You didn’t try to look for her?
JOE
This isn’t a soap opera.
MADISON
Clearly.
JOE
What do you know about her husband?
DAVID
Not much. He worked in San Diego.
MADISON
Yaaaah. We know that.
DAVID
I think he did something with photography. Sold cameras maybe? I dunno, I only met him once.
JOE
Mrs. Nelson ever tell you anything about his background?
DAVID
He liked San Diego because he used to work on a boat.
MADISON
Oh! Oh! On a boat! Seaman!
DAVID
Yeah. I think he was a Merchant Marine for a while. That gonna make a difference?
JOE
It will to you.
DAVID
Why’s that?
JOE
Now we only have to book you for being drunk.
MADISON
Okay, that was a good one, Joe.
SCENE ELEVEN
JOE
We got in touch with Sergeant Tony McQuire in San Diego and asked him to check on the victim’s husband. Madison and I met with the Chief of Detectives and Captain Lohrman. We laid out the information we’d been able to come up with and they agreed we should drive to the Southland city —
MADISON
Road trip!
JOE
–And talk to Allen Nelson. It was night by the time we arrived. From the way he looked, he’d been in bed when we rang the bell.
ALLEN
Yeah?
JOE
Police officers, Mr. Nelson, may we come in?
ALLEN
Sure, I guess.
MADISON
O.M.G. this room smells like fish and feet.
ALLEN
What’dya want?
JOE
Like to ask you a few questions.
ALLEN
Couldn’t’ve waited till morning?
MADISON
I think it could’ve. Then we wouldn’t have to see him in his casually opened robe. Eh!
JOE
When was the last time you saw your wife?
ALLEN
I dunno. Maybe a couple of weeks ago.
JOE
Bring it down to a day.
ALLEN
Why?
JOE
You lay it out any way you want to, mister. We asked it simple. You can give us the same kind of answer.
MADISON
Damn, Joe! Gettin’ all “tough guy!”
JOE
Can it, Madison. Well, Nelson?
ALLEN
Hey, I know my rights. You guys ain’t from San Diego. You got no right askin’ me nothin’.
MADISON
Oh yeah?! You wanna take a ride downtown? We can ask the same questions just as easily at San Diego Police Headquarters. Right, Joe?
JOE
Madison.
MADISON
Bad cop, bad cop? No?
JOE
No. When’d you see your wife last?
ALLEN
I dunno. Once in a while. Not too often. We’re gettin’ divorced.
JOE
The way we got it, you were tryin’ to get her to call off the divorce.
ALLEN
You’ve been listening to a lot of people with big mouths.
JOE
All right, Allen, get your clothes on.
MADISON
Thank you.
ALLEN
Okay, okay, fine. What’d you want to know?
JOE
Where were you Friday night?
ALLEN
I was home all night. Uh… Didn’t feel too good so I was here. All night.
MADISON
Oh, please. In high school I used to sneak off to parties all the time and came up with way better excuses than that.
JOE
Can anybody back up your story?
ALLEN
Well… no.
MADISON
Okay, rookie mistake right there. Name someone who your parents don’t know so they can’t call them to verify where you were.
JOE
Are you actually telling our prime suspect the best way to create a false alibi?
MADISON
He’s obviously too stupid to do it for himself.
ALLEN
I need an alibi? For what?
JOE
Alright, Nelson, we’ll lay it out for you. Your wife’s dead.
ALLEN
What? When did it happen?
MADISON
Friday night. That’s why you need an alibi for Friday night. Ugh! Can we just take him in for being stupid?
ALLEN
And you think I had something to do with it?
JOE
Everything we’ve got points that way.
ALLEN
Why would I want to kill her? I mean, uh… What reason would I have?
MADISON
She’s screwing David Lansing for starters.
ALLEN
This is a joke.
MADISON
He doesn’t joke. Watch this. Hey, Joe, “Knock, Knock–“
JOE
All the evidence we’ve got points to you killing your wife.
MADISON
See.
ALLEN
You mean that you’ve really got a case you can take to court?
MADISON
It’s mostly circumstantial evidence-
JOE
Circumstantial evidence that strongly infers guilt upon the primary suspect.
MADISON
But there’re no witnesses and DNA testing isn’t even a thing yet so–
JOE
Madison, would you like to step outside and explore the crime element in San Diego after dark?
MADISON
I was just making a point–
ALLEN
Okay, okay! I saw her Friday night. She said she’d have dinner with me. Said we had some stuff to talk about. I thought she was finally through with that Lansing guy and was comin’ back to me.
JOE
Go on.
ALLEN
I would’ve done anything in the world she asked me to do if she would’ve just taken me back.
MADISON
Too little, too late.
ALLEN
I went out in the kitchen with her. We talked while she put stuff on the plates. Then she just blurted out she was gonna marry Lansing.
MADISON
Oh! That sucks!
ALLEN
I tried to talk her out of it. She wouldn’t listen. She just kept telling me to sit down and eat my dinner. Just kept telling me that. Eat my dinner. I just couldn’t take it anymore.
MADISON
So you totally killed her.
ALLEN
Yeah! I mean, what choice did I have?
MADISON
Totally not killing her.
JOE
Why’d you put Lansing’s name on the trunk?
ALLEN
I figured if I sent it to his place, he’d get blamed for it.
MADISON
And that almost happened if it wasn’t for a spunky female police officer named Madison Standish–
JOE
Get your things.
ALLEN
You gonna take me back to Los Angeles?
MADISON
Shotgun!
JOE
What?! Where?!
MADISON
No, I meant I get shotgun in the car. Passenger seat! God, Joe, chill.
ALLEN
I loved her. You gotta believe me. It’s important everyone believes me.
JOE
One thing, mister.
ALLEN
Yeah?
JOE
Maybe you can convince us, but you won’t ever be able to convince Judy Nelson.
SCENE TWELVE
ANNOUNCER
On November 18th, trial was held in department 97, Superior Court of the State of California, in and for the County of Los Angeles–
MADISON
Here, lemme sum it up. Allen Nelson was tried and convicted of murder in the second degree– I guess ‘cuz it wasn’t premeditated or anything like that– and got sent to prison for a period of… five years to life… Five years? Like you can kill your wife and stuff her in a trunk and only go to prison for five years? That’s some kind of messed up.
PROLOGUE
MADISON
Dragnet first aired as a radio series in 1949 in a response to the popular noir and detective dramas of the time. Jack Webb, the creator and voice of Sergeant Joe Friday, wanted to bring authenticity to police work, describing the series as “so real you can smell the coffee.” You know, I still never got my mocha latte. Dragnet continued on to several incarnations in television and film and is considered the pre-cursor to modern police dramas such as “Law and Order.”
END