MADISON ON THE AIR: “BOX 13: BLACKMAIL IS MURDER”
ADAPTED BY CHRISI TALYN SAJE: APRIL 2022
SCENE ONE
ANNOUNCER
Box 13…
DAN
Suzy, do you have any idea how this woman ended up asleep on my office sofa?
SUZY
She was probably tired.
DAN
Thank you for that riveting insight.
SUZY
What I want to know, Mr. Holiday, is how she got in the office in the first place.
DAN
Now, that is a good question, Suzy.
SUZY
She had a letter with her addressed to Box 13. Maybe she came here to personally deliver it.
DAN
Suzy, my ad in the Star-Times only says, “Wanted: Adventure. Will go anywhere, do anything. Write Box 13, Star-Times.”
SUZY
Sure, I know that, Mr. Holiday. That’s how you get ideas for your novels and such.
DAN
Then you know that I don’t include my name in the ad?
SUZY
Yeah. That’s why I always gotta go down to the Star-Times to pick up your letters.
DAN
Mm-hmm. Because without my name or office address…
SUZY
You’re autonomous!
DAN
No, Suzy…
SUZY
Look, Mr. Holiday! She’s wakin’ up!
MADISON
Oh… dude. Did I pass out in the lobby of the Marriott again?
DAN
Um… no–
MADISON
I promise I have a room! I musta lost my key card. I bet it’s in the bar. No, wait, I gave it to the bartender. I think. Is he blonde?
SUZY
You are in Mr. Holiday’s aw-ffice!
MADISON
Oh, good. There’s my hang-over. Thank you for finding it for me.
SUZY
You are well-come!
DAN
Uh, Suzy, why don’t you go… file something, hmm?
SUZY
But there’s nothin’ to file. You ain’t had a letter for Box 13 in weeks. And you certainly ain’t written nothin’ lately.
DAN
Yes, thank you for reminding me.
SUZY
So, there’s nothin’ to do ’round here.
DAN
Why don’t you go get us some coffee?
SUZY
Oh, yeah! The canteen is sure to wake her up!
DAN
Caffeine–
SUZY
A’course! I’ll head down to the caffeine to buy her coffee.
DAN
Thank you, Suzy. Here, why don’t you try and sit up, Miss Standish.
MADISON
Wait, this isn’t the Marriott. It smells like old cigarettes and stale beer. Oh, god, I’m at a Holiday Inn!
DAN
Well, I am Dan Holiday. And by the letter I found alongside your purse, you were looking for me.
MADISON
Letter?
DAN
“I’m in terrible trouble. Please come with me to room 718 of the Bradford Hotel. It’s urgent. Signed… Madison Standish.”
MADISON
Oh, yeah! Oh… yeah.
DAN
What kind of trouble?
MADISON
We… uh, gotta go to my hotel.
DAN
Okay… but I’d like to have an idea of what I’m walking into first.
MADISON
What time is it?
DAN
Nearly ten.
MADISON
Then we better hurry. He’s probably starting to turn.
DAN
Who’s… what?
MADISON
How long does it take for a body to start to go bad? Are we talkin’ sausage link that fell under the stove, or milk left out on a hot summer day?
DAN
We… should probably hurry.
MADISON
Oh, god, I hope he doesn’t attract ants.
SCENE TWO
MADISON
Sorry you found me in your office this morning. When I saw this dude in my hotel room, I absolutely could not sleep here. Like after I walked in on my brother in the bathroom doin’… ya know. I used the guest bath until he went to college.
DAN
Yeah… You still haven’t told me how you discovered my name and office address.
MADISON
Look in the closet.
DAN
And what exactly am I expecting to find? Ah. You’ve had a gentleman caller.
MADISON
Dang it! I forgot my coat was still hangin’ in there. Now it’s gonna have dead guy stink all over it.
DAN
Can I assume this was the “terrible trouble” you mentioned in your letter?
MADISON
Oh, a corpse doesn’t qualify as “terrible trouble” to you? Is your apartment over a slaughter house or something?
DAN
No, I just meant–
MADISON
Because your coat does smells a little like boiled pig fat.
DAN
I meant, is there anything else in addition to this dead man?
MADISON
Nupe. Just the one dead dude.
DAN
So my follow up question is, why did you come to me? Why didn’t you go to the police?
MADISON
Okay, look. About a year ago I woke up alongside a corpse and was arrested for his murder. I was totally set up, but the police didn’t believe me and George Valentine had to clear my name. Hey, you know he has the same premise as you. Ad in the newspaper, people write him to do stuff for them–
DAN
Oh, like every other idea hasn’t already been done?
MADISON
True that. I don’t think there’s anything left on network TV but versions of “Law and Order.”
DAN
Yes, well, back to the corpse.
MADISON
Okay, best I can tell he’s a white male, mid 40s, lives in Muncie, Indiana and is named Michael O’Brien.
DAN
How did you determine all that?
MADISON
Went through his wallet. Duh.
DAN
Ah. But you forgot to include he was shot at close range. There are powder burns on his coat.
MADISON
I know. This is not my first murder. Thank you.
DAN
Uh, yeah. You mentioned that. You’ve never seen this man before?
MADISON
Dude, he’s middle aged and from Indiana. What’s the appeal?
DAN
I still think we should call the police. You could go to jail just for hiding the body.
MADISON
N-n-no. Again, no cops. I reached out to you for help. Here’s my thoughts. You try to prove I actually did kill this dude and when you get all the evidence and it shows I couldn’t’ve killed him, then the cops won’t be able to accuse me!
DAN
I… I don’t know…
MADISON
Maybe you didn’t understand me. Hang on. I actually picked up an “English to Noir” dictionary. Ah! Here we are! You need to try and prove I didn’t “rub him out.” Ew! That means to kill somebody? It sounds like what I caught my brother doing.
DAN
I would like to help you, Miss Standish, but this is a little outside of my department.
MADISON
Hey. If I’ve learned anything from these noir shows, you manly detective types always help young girls in distress. It’s a major cliche and doesn’t do much for the feminist movement, but right now, I’ll take it.
DAN
Well, all right, what do you want me to do?
MADISON
I want you to help me get rid of the body.
DAN
Get rid of the body?
MADISON
Yeah. We get rid of the… “Stiff” and then we’ll… “Blow” so the cops don’t “nail” us. Okay, who wrote this book? Hugh Hefner?
SCENE THREE
DAN
Miss Standish! Where’d you go?
MADISON
Just a sec!
DAN
You know where this hall linen closet is. I can’t do this all myself.
MADISON
I had to… go to the bathroom, okay? All this excitement made me have to pee.
DAN
Why did you call me to do this? Why didn’t you just call a bellhop?
MADISON
You were the one who advertised for adventure. Besides, if I got a bellboy to help me dispose of a dead body, I would have no idea how to figure the tip.
DAN
This isn’t adventure. It’s a nightmare.
MADISON
The closet’s just a little further down the hall. We’ll stuff the… “Boob” in there. Thank you, Hugh.
DAN
You’re not going to help me with him?
MADISON
Touch a dead body? Ew, no. I had to move my little sister’s dead hamster before she got home from Girl Scouts and that absolutely traumatized me.
DAN
How did a dead hamster traumatize you?
MADISON
I killed it. I thought giving him chocolate covered espresso beans would make him run faster on his wheel. And it did. Until he had a little hamster heart attack.
DAN
Where is this closet?
MADISON
Oh. We passed it a coupla doors down.
DAN
Why didn’t you say something?
MADISON
I was telling a story.
DAN
That’s just fantastic.
MADISON
C’mon, drag him back. You should really hurry before we’re spotted by the Hotel… “Dick.” All right, I’m done with this book.
DAN
Just tell me where the closet is before I pass it again.
MADISON
It’s right here. I got the door. Stick him in there so he doesn’t fall out when the door opens. I’d hate to scare the crap outta some poor maid just doin’ her minimum wage job.
DAN
I think he’s gonna surprise whoever discovers him.
MADISON
Oh, that looks good. Throw a few towels on top of him… And we’re done!
DAN
I must be crazy.
MADISON
Now back to my room before anyone sees us.
DAN
What’s next in this little scheme of yours, Miss Standish?
MADISON
Don’t be so formal. Call me “Madison.”
DAN
Sorry. I’m not up on my “Emily Post” etiquette for body disposals.
MADISON
Now you gotta find out who killed Michael O’Brien.
DAN
Who’s that?
MADISON
Chill out. I got this.
KLING
My name is Kling, Lieutenant. Homicide Bureau.
MADISON
A G-man!
KLING
What?
MADISON
Well, I know it’s not a “G-spot-man” because none of you guys can find it. I don’t think in the 1940’s you were even lookin’.
DAN
Hello, Lieutenant.
KLING
Holiday?
MADISON
Oh! You guys know each other? Sweet. Well, to finish the intros, I’m Madison Standish, copper.
KLING
Never mind the social chatter. I thought this was some kind of a gag, now I’m sure of it. Holiday, just what are you trying to dream up?
DAN
If I told you, Kling, you would never believe me.
MADISON
So, “flatfoot,” what can I do for you?
KLING
Holiday, what’s with this broad?
MADISON
“Broad.” Oh, that’s a good one. I’m gonna write that one down.
KLING
Where’s she goin’?
DAN
I believe to write that one down.
MADISON
Ah-ha! I love that old timey hotel rooms come with free stationary! Instead of modern hotel rooms that come with sheets covered in a decade’s worth of sweat and semen.
KLING
Now listen, some crackpot phoned with a tip that there was a dead man in this room.
MADISON
“Crackpot”! Keep ’em comin’, Lieutenant. I’m gonna write my own “English to Noir” dictionary.
KLING
All right, look. I hoofed it all the way down here, I’m gonna at least get a slant of the joint before I scram.
MADISON
Oh, this is gold!
DAN
Now, Lieutenant, listen–
KLING
I don’t need to hear nothin’ more comin’ outta your puss.
MADISON
“Puss.” Eh… That one’s a little boarder line.
DAN
Look around to your heart’s content, Lieutenant.
KLING
Thanks for your permission.
MADISON
That’s the closet. If it smells in there, it’s because Dan lives over a slaughter house.
KLING
Oh, moved to a better neighborhood, Holiday?
DAN
Ha, ha.
KLING
All right. It’s clearly just as I suspected. I figured that call was the work of some would-be comic. But I had to investigate it just the same.
MADISON
Sure thing, gumshoe.
KLING
Love the company you keep, Holiday.
DAN
But, Kling, listen–
KLING
Goodbye, Miss Standish. So long, Holiday.
DAN
Kling, wait, I wanna go with you.
KLING
Don’t you got stories to write?
MADISON
Well, that was fun. Now let’s solve this case!
DAN
Hmmm. I wonder how Kling found out about your surprise visitor.
MADISON
Okay, you got me! I called him when you were out in the hall.
DAN
What in the world are you doing?
MADISON
Look, the cops — I mean– “Elbows.” Elbows?
DAN
Eh… more often used as a reference to a police collar.
MADISON
Elbows don’t have collars.
DAN
You called the police and reported the dead body in your own hotel room?
MADISON
Yeah! I wanted to throw the lieutenant “off the trail”. Smart, right? S’cuse me a sec.
DAN
If “smart” means the complete opposite in your dictionary.
MADISON
Hello… Oh! You serious?… Okay, that totes makes sense now… Nah, nah, I’m good here. Thanks! I knew it.
DAN
What did you know?
MADISON
That was the front desk. I was supposed to get room 817 but I got 718 instead. Reminds me of the time I was working as a temp receptionist. It wasn’t until lunch that I realized I was two floors down from the office I was assigned to. But by then, Jenny and Kristin had bought me a welcome cake and we were all going out to do karaoke after work, so I just stayed. I had that job 18 months.
DAN
Let’s back track to the hotel room mix up. Are you saying the person who killed Michael O’Brien meant to return here to remove the body? No, it doesn’t sound reasonable.
MADISON
Maybe not, but guess who was supposed to have this room.
DAN
Never mind. We’re going to police headquarters.
MADISON
I said guess!
DAN
I wish Suzy would’ve returned with that coffee before I got suckered into this headache.
MADISON
Give up? It was Tony Bascari.
DAN
Tony Bascari? He’s the biggest racketeer in town. He’s dynamite.
MADISON
“Dynamite”? No, that won’t work. J.J. Walker ruined that one. Here, let me give you one. He’s a “Bad Muther.” It’s good, right? Because your brain naturally fills in the obvious last word. C’mon. You all just did it.
ANNOUNCER
You are listening to Box 13.
PROMO BREAK OZ-9
SCENE FOUR
ANNOUNCER
Now back to Box 13.
DAN
Two o’clock in the morning and I can’t go to sleep. Oh, that batty blonde has me worried to death. She wouldn’t go to police headquarters, and when I went down and talked to Kling, he acted as though it was all a big joke and sent me on my way. Hello?
MADISON
It’s Madison. I just went up to see Tony Bascari.
DAN
You what? Madison, don’t you know that’s the worst thing you could’ve done?
MADISON
No. The worst thing I could’ve done was to break into Ryan Reynold’s hotel room when he wasn’t there to try and steal his boxer-briefs. Blake Lively is an absolute delight, by the way. We still exchange Christmas cards.
DAN
What about Tony?
MADISON
Oh! I “put the heat on him.” Or, at least I tried. But my curling iron had cooled down by the time I made it up to his room.
DAN
Madison… how are you even still alive?
MADISON
I accused him of killing that O’Brien dude, but, of course, he’s all “no, I didn’t.” So, I’m like, “yes, you did” and he’s like, “no, I didn’t” and I’m all “yes, you did–“
DAN
Madison!
MADISON
So, now I’m a tiny bit worried.
DAN
Well, if I had just confronted Tony Bascari, I’d be “a tiny bit” worried, too.
MADISON
No, not because of that. Because when I got back, I realized someone had searched my room. Thankfully, they didn’t find my stash.
DAN
You should call the police.
MADISON
I don’t want them to find my stash, either.
DAN
I liked it better when I was spending my days in front of a typewriter suffering from writer’s block.
MADISON
I need you! C’mon, pin your diapers on and get over here!
DAN
“Pin my dia–” Madison. It’s two in the a.m. Can you give me and the noir talk a break?
MADISON
Somebody’s trying to get in my room!
DAN
Hang up. Quick, call the room clerk. Hurry!
MADISON
Oh, god! Now I know how Blake Lively must’ve felt!
SCENE FIVE
DAN
Madison! Madison! It’s Dan Holiday! The clerk said she hadn’t called the desk. I wonder… No, she would’ve screamed. Someone would’ve heard her. Heck, even when Madison is at a low whisper she could be heard over a jet engine. It’s open. Cleaned out completely. Well, Madison, no clothes, no nothing. Not even a piece of paper– Hey, what’s this? A paper airplane like the ones I used to make at school. But why would she be making paper airplanes? It’s Madison’s “English to Noir” dictionary. Wait, she wrote something here. “They’re taking me to the airport. I don’t know the slang for ‘airport’ so just come to the damn airport!” Well, at least there’s no doubt Madison wrote the note.
SCENE SIX
DAN
Keep that motor running. I’ll be right back. Not many people around this hour of the night. There she is. And the man with her has his hand in his pocket. I don’t think it’s there because it’s cold outside. What I need now is a little fast talk and a little faster action.
HOOD
Hood, mug, goon, gunsel, bruno–
MADISON
Bruno?
HOOD
Yeah, uh… it means a tough guy. Enforcer.
DAN
Okay, I’ll take over from here.
HOOD
Who are you? And what are you talkin’ about?
DAN
The doll. Bascari wants her back.
MADISON
Oh, yeah! “Doll.” Like “Guys and Dolls.” There’s also “Dame.”
HOOD
Bascari told me to put the skirt on a plane and I’m doin’ it.
MADISON
“Skirt.” That’s a good one. I mean, it doesn’t apply because I’m wearing jeans, but good for my dictionary.
DAN
Yeah, well, Bascari changed his mind. He wants her back.
HOOD
Then why didn’t he call me?
DAN
It just happened half an hour ago.
HOOD
Half an hour ago I was still at the hotel.
MADISON
He’s right. He only started kidnapping me, like, I dunno, twenty minutes ago?
HOOD
But then you hadda use the can.
MADISON
Right. So maybe more like fifteen.
DAN
Regardless, I’m takin’ the babe back with me.
HOOD
Wait a minute. I’m gonna call Tony first.
MADISON
You’ll get him “on the horn?”
HOOD
Yeah! Yeah, now you’re gettin’ it.
DAN
Go ahead, call ‘im, stupid. Get your ears burned off.
HOOD
Hey, who you callin’ “stupid”? This ain’t no lollipop I got in my pocket.
MADISON
Gun, rod, heat, bean-shooter–
DAN
Oh, nuts to this.
MADISON
Dude! You punched him! Eh… You really “knocked his lights out.”
DAN
Come on. Let’s get outta here before I regret rescuing you.
MADISON
This is getting pretty exciting, huh? I bet it’ll give you a lot to write about.
DAN
Yeah, we’ll see. With your getting mixed up with a hard-nosed gangster, it might be difficult for me to come up with a happy ending. Get in.
MADISON
At least now you got the “goods” on Tony.
DAN
Driver, get out of here fast. What “goods”?
MADISON
Well, if after I confronted the gangster about murder he tried to get me outta town, that proves I didn’t kill the dude in my hotel room, right? He did.
DAN
It’s definitely stacking up that way. Tony must’ve killed that Michael O’Brien, or had him killed. But why didn’t he take him out of the hotel right away?
MADISON
Oh! Uh… There was a convention at the hotel last night. Tons of people. It was like ComicCon but everybody was cosplaying 1940’s noir.
DAN
I guess that explains it.
MADISON
So, can you “crack the case” now? Send Bascari “up the river” to the “hoosegow” where they’ll “throw the book” at ‘im and he’ll “fry”?
DAN
Maybe. After one last pit stop.
MADISON
What do you mean? We’re not going back to the hotel?
DAN
You’ll hate me, I know, but we’re going to the police station. Ya know, the “clubhouse” where “the law” might throw you in the “clink.” Or at least keep you outta trouble for a few hours.
MADISON
N-n-no! We gotta go back to the hotel!
DAN
Trust me, you’ll be safer with the police.
MADISON
I know some hashtags that would disagree with ya there.
SCENE SEVEN
KLING
Holiday! Get over here.
DAN
So, Lieutenant, did Madison fill you in on Tony Bascari?
KLING
Oh… she filled me in all right.
MADISON
I spilled the tea. As they say in my century.
KLING
And she’s preferring charges.
DAN
Good. I think–
KLING
Against you.
DAN
Against me?
MADISON
You took me to the police station against my will. That’s kidnapping. Unless you’re my father trying to pull one of those “scared straight” lessons on me. Which he regretted when all I got out of it were phone numbers for some hot convicts. Madison loves her bad boys.
DAN
What about that thug who was about to put you on a plane? You said he kidnapped you from the hotel.
KLING
The way Miss Standish tells it, Holiday, he was just a driver from her car service escorting her to the airport.
DAN
Now, wait just a minute, Kling!
MADISON
But now I’ve decided to stay on a few extra days. Lieutenant, can one of your officers drive me back to my hotel? I don’t think I could ride in a cab again after what he did.
KLING
Of course, Miss Standish.
DAN
What about Tony Bascari?! Kling, listen to me. There really was a dead man in her hotel room.
KLING
All right, Holiday. I’ll bite one last time. If there was a body, then where is it?
DAN
In a linen closet down the hall. I put it there.
KLING
Oh? You put it there?
DAN
Yeah, I put it there.
KLING
Holiday, you got bats in your belfry. My men searched all the closets on Miss Standish’s floor. Now get outta here before I arrest you for annoying a police officer.
MADISON
He’s not joking. I have been arrested for that.
KLING
Hey, Johnson! C’mere.
JOHNSON
Yeah, Lieutenant?
KLING
Take Miss Standish back to her hotel, would ya?
MADISON
Those are my bags over there. And remember, you have no grounds to search them.
DAN
Kling, what about Tony Bascari?
KLING
Don’t worry about it, Holiday, Madison’ll have Johnson with her to protect her.
DAN
Yeah, but what about me?
SCENE EIGHT
CLERK
Welcome to the Bradford Hotel. How may I help you, sir?
DAN
I have a question about one of your guests. A Miss Madison Standish. She’d been staying in room 718. But I just came from there and the room is vacant.
CLERK
Then she must’ve checked out, sir.
DAN
I need to know for sure. Last I saw her she was on her way back here with a police escort.
CLERK
Oh, my! Well, I certainly would’ve remembered if I’d seen something like that.
DAN
Yeah, I suppose you would. What about your housemaids? Have they made any… discoveries on the seventh floor?
CLERK
I don’t know what you’re asking me, sir, but if you’re worried about your wife finding out about you and Miss Standish, I promise you, we are a very discrete hotel.
DAN
Good to know. Thanks for your help.
CLERK
Of course, sir, have a pleasant day.
DAN
What are you worrying about, Holiday? You couldn’t wait to get rid of her, now you can’t wait to get her back. Well, your only real course of action is to see if the maids have had a chance to restock the towels on seven.
SCENE NINE
DAN
All right, buddy, let’s see if you’re still sleepin’ soundly with the sheets.
MADISON
Oh!
DAN
Madison?
MADISON
Hey.
DAN
What happened?
MADISON
Uh… funny story. That Officer Johnson who was supposed to escort me back to the hotel? Yeah, he was knocked unconscious. Eh… “socked.” “Sock it to me?” No, that’s 60s. Heh, heh. “Groovy.”
DAN
How did you end up in the closet?
MADISON
Oh, that “hood” who took me to the airport hit the “copper” and then stuffed me in here. Glad you showed up, though. Let’s go back to my room.
DAN
I was up here a few minutes ago. Your room was vacant.
MADISON
‘Cuz I was in the closet. Duh.
KLING
Well, what are you two playing at now?
DAN
Kling? What are you doing here?
KLING
I thought you told me there was a body in this linen closet.
DAN
Yeah… but you didn’t believe me.
KLING
Let me take a look.
DAN
Well, it’s not there now.
KLING
So, you admit there isn’t a body in the closet, Holiday? Good. At least you don’t gotta get your eyes checked.
MADISON
Tony Bascari must’ve stuck the body in cement and dumped it in the east river. I tried that with my sister’s hamster but the L.A. River is cement, so that didn’t work.
DAN
Tony’s in the room one floor up, Lieutenant. Go talk to him.
KLING
All right. Just once more I’ll play with you kiddies. But I want both of you to stay put in Miss Standish’s room till I get back. You readin’ me?
MADISON
Not without subtitles.
DAN
Come on, Madison.
MADISON
Great! You can help me on the next chapter of my “English to Noir” dictionary. Gimme all the words you’ve got for MILF.
SCENE TEN
DAN
Kling’s been gone fifteen minutes. I wonder what’s happening up there.
MADISON
Can’t be too exciting. We haven’t heard any shooting.
DAN
Haven’t heard any– Right. Haven’t heard any gunshots. In that case, how can a man be shot in this room, and that shot not be heard?
MADISON
Oh, that’s easy. The killer would’ve use this.
DAN
Madison, where did you get that gun?
MADISON
Rod. I like that better. It’s dirty.
DAN
Well, put it down until Kling returns.
MADISON
But I was gonna show you why the shot wouldn’t be heard. Seriously, you should already know this.
DAN
What do you mean?
MADISON
Hang on.
DAN
Hotel rooms are notorious for thin walls. Certainly another guest or a maid… Well, by the evidence of that linen closet, I’m not sure any maids are even working on this floor.
MADISON
Okay, so I got this towel, right?
DAN
Yeah, what about it?
MADISON
I can’t believe I have to explain this to you. It’s like when I had to teach that jock in home-ec how to boil water. No, wait, that was chemistry and I was teaching him the rainbow flame experiment they did in “Breaking Bad”. It went… bad.
DAN
So, the towel?
MADISON
Oh, right. You see, you take the gun like this, and wrap the towel around it like this.
DAN
You’re making a silencer?
MADISON
Yeah! Now you got it.
DAN
All right. You’ve made your point. You can put the gun down now.
MADISON
Don’t you want to hear how quiet it is when I shoot it with the towel?
DAN
No. Now I’m serious, Madison. Put the gun down.
MADISON
Maybe I want to kill you, too, Mr. Holiday.
DAN
“Too?” You killed Michael O’Brien?
MADISON
And you’re next.
DAN
You can’t be serious.
MADISON
Oh, I am serious. As serious as a myocardial infarction.
DAN
What? But… why?
SUZY
So you’d have something to write about, Mr. Holiday!
DAN
What?
KLING
Ha, ha! We got you, Holiday!
MADISON
Surprise!
DAN
Surpr– what is going on?
SUZY
Oh, Mr. Holiday. I was feelin’ so sorry for you havin’ that writer’s clock.
DAN
Block, Suzy, it’s writer’s block.
SUZY
Yeah, that. So I got Lieutenant Kling to help me set up an adventure for you.
DAN
So… that’s how Madison knew my name and where to find my office.
SUZY
Yup! I let her in to sleep on the sofa. Wasn’t she so good!
MADISON
Aw, thank you! I never thought I’d be able to use what I learned in that Improv 101 class from UCB, but I did everything the exact opposite of what they taught me, and it really worked!
DAN
But… what about the dead body? Michael O’Brien?
SUZY
Oh, yeah. And in the role of Michael O’Brien was the ever talented Randall Hayes!
RANDALL
Thank you so much for this honor. I especially want to thank my manager, my director, and my parents for always believing in me.
DAN
So, can I presume Tony Bascari was never upstairs in the room above us?
MADISON
Totes fiction! Although, has anyone checked on Larry?
DAN
Larry?
MADISON
The “hood” at the airport. He was supposed to scare you off, that was actually a lollipop in his pocket, and then you were supposed to go back to the hotel. But you went totally off script and knocked him unconscious.
KLING
Yeah. He won’t be makin’ the curtain for “A Streetcar Named Desire” tonight. Too bad. He was a really good Stanley.
DAN
Suzy? May I have a word with you?
SUZY
Sure thing, Mr. Holiday.
RANDALL
C’mon, cast! Let’s head over to Sardi’s for a post opening night celebration!
SUZY
Oh! Mr. Holiday! Sardi’s!
DAN
We’ll… catch up.
MADISON
Before I go, I wanted you to have this.
DAN
An “English to Millennial” dictionary?
MADISON
If you don’t understand any of the words, you can text me.
DAN
Text?
MADISON
It’s in the book.
DAN
Suzy…
SUZY
You think you’re gonna be able to write a story about this adventure, Mr. Holiday? We all worked so hard on it.
DAN
Yes, Suzy, I’ll definitely have something to say about this… “adventure.”
EPILOGUE
MADISON
“Box 13” first aired in October of 1947 starring Alan Ladd and was created by Ladd’s company, Mayfair Productions. The show ran for two years and made 52 episodes. It is true, the show “Let George Do It,” which starred Bob Bailey, had a very similar premise and actually had premiered one year earlier. However, radio shows at this time didn’t always reach across all U.S. markets. “Let George Do It” was sponsored by Standard Oil of California, so the show only aired on the West Coast. And “Box 13” had a limited reach in only a select amount of cities. In any case, both shows are ah-mazing in their own right, and if you missed it, our episode of “Let George Do It” is episode five. GO TO “LET GEORGE DO IT”