“The Saint” officially wraps up our Year One of “Madison on the Air,” as our original release date was February 1st, 2021. So I thought it would be fun to take a look back on all of the technology of the OTR era that Madison, in her ever sheltered modern day existence, has had to navigate.
TELEPHONES
For being part of a generation that literally has disorders based around smart phone usage, Madison was woefully unprepared to face the telephones of yore. Trying to dial a rotary phone has proven a challenge. And the “Murray Hill…” number exchanges are super confusing. Plus, she discovered there is no “decline” button, so that loud annoying ring will not stop, even when Madison is nursing a hang over. And what’s with the cords? The struggle to merely answer the phone, that’s attached to the wall, BTW, is just poor design in Madison’s opinion.
NEWSPAPERS
Okay, Madison is aware of what a “newspaper” is, but you know she’s never actually read one. And so far, her personal experience with them hasn’t been great. She was accused of murder in one when she went to work for George Valentine. But, hey, social media shares misinformation all the time. No biggie. But what about the waste of paper? She was appalled by the number of newspapers delivered to Sherlock Holmes every single day! And let us not forget her appearance in the obituaries. Yup, so far newspapers have not been a good thing.
CARS
The classic cars of the past may look impressive, but their technology, according to Madison, sucks. There is no power steering, and those cars are ginormous! The LAPD didn’t provide a vehicle with AC, so that was terribly uncomfortable. She absolutely cannot figure out what any of the buttons on the dashboard are for and mistook a cigarette lighter for a fob, thus locking the actual keys in the car. Madison was more impressed by the Hansom Cabs she rode in with Sherlock. They’re all drawn by horses! Adorbs! Although the novelty wore off on that dismal drive up to visit Count Dracula’s castle. And Matt Dillon knows she will absolutely NOT ride a horse.
COFFEE SHOPS
Okay, while not “technology” per se, how coffee is made and how it’s served in the past definitely requires a complaint to the manager. Drip coffee, the lowest offering on the Starbucks menu, simply should not be the only option in a place calling itself a “coffee shop.” Those are diners, okay? Not “coffee shops.” At least 1800s London provided Madison access to the first espresso machine, straight from Italy. They still didn’t serve Madison’s favorite – mochas – but those old timey espresso shots makes Red Bull embarrassed to be alive.
OFFICE SUPPLIES
Clearly Madison is not equipped to be part of the 1950’s steno pool. With computers nowhere to be found, her time temping in “Dimension X” was a baffling nightmare. And then the Martians showed up. Intercoms, dictaphones, paper calendars, TYPEWRITERS?? Secretaries of the past had to deal with a bunch of different weird devices to do the exact same things that Madison can do on her iPhone.
PARAMEDICS
While it feels like it’s always been a part of our lives, Madison discovered while working the “Night Beat” in Chicago, that there is no 9-1-1 yet or even paramedics! Whaaa? So besides not having cell phone reception, Madison would have to find a phone to call for help, she would have to call an actual doctor to come to the scene of a car accident? Surreal.
The more time Madison spends in these old time radio shows, the more she is adapting. Or at least, she’s willing to go with the flow with only minor bitching and moaning along the way. As long as she can keep her iPhone charged so she can be somewhat connected to normal life. Stay tuned for Year Two!
-Chrisi (aka Madison)
